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Why Go It Alone
Michelle: When our daughter was three, she and I were walking out of Target. Before we walked out the door, I asked her to put her coat on. As I was putting my own coat on, I noticed that she was putting her coat on upside down. I bent down to try to help her when she yelled the inevitable three-year-old battle cry, “I can do it myself.” For approximately five minutes, I watched as she wriggled out of the coat, struggled because the sleeves were then inside out, finally getting the coat on correctly and proudly exclaiming, “See, I told you!” How many times have we all struggled, knowing…
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Letting the Cat Out of the Bag😼
Isn’t it funny how our pets’ behaviors can help us see better who we are inside? As a married couple, what can we learn from this?
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Is “Being Right” Really Right?
John: “Being right” is a quality that I find irresistible. I often feel compelled to establish my “rightness” about something, even when I have that small voice of conscience telling me that adopting that attitude can be hurtful to Julie and our relationship. This can crop up in small everyday little things, like the best route to take on a local drive, or bigger things, like how to handle a difficult situation with a family member or friend. “I’m right,” whether spoken outright or evidenced by my behavior, has caused a lot of dissent in our relationship over the years.
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The 4 Horsemen
Relationship researcher John Gottman has identified four negative behaviors he calls ‘The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse,’ that spell disaster for relationships. Identifying these Four Horsemen is the first step in being able to replace them with healthier behaviors. Turn The Horse Around KEN: As a “see the glass ½ empty” kind of person, it’s easy for me to be critical of Janine. We not only are different sexes but have different personality types and different ways of doing things. As a perfectionist, I have a tendency toward criticizing little things Janine does. This tendency hasn’t disappeared, but I’ve learned what I’m doing and how it negatively affects Janine and our…
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Life is Full of Risks
Life is full of Risks. Financial, emotional, and physical – we take them all the time. There is nothing more endearing than hearing, “Again! Again! Again!” after swinging a toddler in the air. Children instinctively take risks. As we age, risk taking becomes intentional, calculated and requires effort, but staying in the safe zone is also taking a risk.
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Smiling is a Superpower
Michelle: I think that at some point in every person’s life, they dream about what kind of superhero they might be and what powers they might have. When I was a child, I wasn’t sure what my costume would look like or my catchphrase might be, but when I envisioned myself striking that superhero pose, I was there to turn frowns upside-down! A few years ago, I went to a laughter therapy seminar. During this seminar, the presenter shared that there have been multiple studies regarding smiling and success. In one such study, scientists conducted research over a thirty-year period. They reviewed five hundred student’s yearbook photos and, measuring just the student’s smile, were able…
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Old Habits Die Hard
Have you ever fallen into this trap? You have a small disconnect that builds over time and turns into a huge disconnect that takes a lot of work to sort through, but you get through it. Then some time down the road, you start to fall back into whatever habit it was that disconnected you. You realize it and work through it again, but you’re kicking yourself for falling into the same trap. And you think to yourself, ‘why didn’t I learn the lesson the first time?’ Disconnection Jen: We had a disconnect of this sort this past week. I fell into an old habit of bottling up my frustration…
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Un-Valentine’s Day
Happy Valentine’s Day tomorrow! Whether you’re madly scrambling to pick out that perfect card on a picked over rack or you’re on hold for an hour trying to make a dinner reservation for a Valentine’s Day dinner date, you are not alone. The pressure to create the perfect Valentine’s Day is on… often deflating the romance balloon. And while it’s nice to take one day to celebrate your love, what about the other 364 days of the year? What if you celebrated your love in less spectacular Un-Valentine’s Days throughout the year instead?
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Motivation Tank
Does it ever seem that your spouse just doesn’t appreciate you? Do you sometimes lack the motivation to show your spouse that you love them? What’s the missing ingredient? Often, it’s the things we aren’t receiving, like affirmation, appreciation and intentional acts of love. Coincidentally, these are the same things we likely are not giving to our spouse. Some would argue that it’s hard to give when your “motivation tank” is empty. It’s difficult to make the decision to love my spouse, when I’m feeling unloved or unappreciated. What’s my motivation (underlying reason) for expressing love or doing a loving act for my spouse? What’s Your Motivation? Really, what’s my…
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Opposites Don’t Attract — They Attack
Let’s debunk the myth that “Opposites attract” once and for all. We are attracted to our spouse because they complement us. They bring completeness to our lives. In a relationship completeness is more than finding the missing piece to a puzzle. When the puzzle is done, it’s satisfying, but no longer fun and interesting.
