Making Decisions as a Couple – 10 Steps

1. Be Open to Your Spouse’s Opinion

Use making decisions as a couple as an opportunity to learn and to grow. Likewise, be open in sharing your opinions about the decision at hand. Don’t expect your spouse to read your mind.

2. Listen More, Talk Less

Listening is a valuable gift to your spouse. It shows respect, but it also gives you time to formulate your response. The first thought that enters your mind may not be the one you want to share.

3. Honestly Share Your Feelings

Honesty and sharing feelings go hand-in-hand. Sharing your feelings about a potential decision which you are making as a couple allows you and your spouse to better understand why this is important to both of you.

4. Make a List of Pros and Cons

You can make a list of pros and cons as a couple or as individuals and then compare your lists. It is always fun to see similarities in our individual lists as it shows we are closer to reaching our ultimate decision.

5. Consider the Long- and Short-Term Effects

Another one for the list makers! We think this one is especially helpful in looking at big decisions as a couple, such as a substantial change in job or moving closer to to further away from family. We can often sense the short-term effects but it takes a little more thought to wrap our brain around the long-term effects. It is important to formulate the long-term effects as well.

6. Do Your Research

In today’s technology and internet-driven culture, information has become a vital asset, guiding and direction to the many decisions we make as individuals and as a couple. Conflicting information can sometimes bog down the process of making a decision or even bring it to a full stop. It is important to use credible sources. Don’t forget to seek advice from experts as well.

7. Pray About Your Decision

Reflect on your motives for wanting to make the decision. Ask for wisdom, light and guidance. Listen. Pray for the ability to let down your defenses so you can really listen to the concerns of your spouse as you work toward the best decision as a couple.

8. Give It Some Time to Percolate

The more important the decision, the more important it is to give it some time. It is just as important to set a time to return to the discussion table. This is not a time to arm yourselves with ammunition. Use this time to open your minds and hearts to each other.

9. Seek a Win-Win Solution

A win-win is the ultimate goal of any couple decision making process. This paves the path for us to be ‘both feet in’ as we move forward with our couple decision. We are both equally invested in a win-win decision. If it doesn’t work out exactly as anticipated, we are less likely to point fingers at the other.

10. Celebrate

Take pride in your success as a couple in reaching a decision. Pinpoint what worked so you can repeat it. Seeing yourself as supported by your spouse in making decisions is a monumental step towards unity and worthy of celebration.