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Listen, Linda!!! Active Listening In Marriage
Did you ever watch the viral YouTube video called Listen, Linda? (Watch video) It’s pretty funny, but also good food for thought. Really, what we all want is to be heard and understood, which is part of being loved. But this is sometimes easier said than done. Easily Distracted & Uninclined: My Default Setting KEN: I’m easily distracted and not inclined to listen to things that don’t interest me. This naturally creates a challenge for good communication in our marriage. JANINE: I like quiet time at home. When I’m chipping away at my to-do list, or even when I’m doing dishes, I like to spend time with my own thoughts…
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What’s Your Spouse’s Love Language?
Is The 5 Love Languages outdated? Not a chance. See how this practical tool is still saving, changing, and boosting marriages today—plus, resources to find your own language.
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Running Up A Downward Escalator
Ken: Last week we were making our way through the airport with our carry-on bags. As we started down an escalator, I suddenly remembered I left my phone lying in the bathroom at the top of the escalator. In that split second, my only thought was that someone would find it and snatch it. Not today! I turned around with my suitcase, pushed Janine aside as I started trying to run up those steps that were propelling us downward. I fell near the top step but bounced up quickly. With a heroic leap, like a running back jumping into the end-zone, I made it to the top bruised but victorious. The wide-eyed onlookers asked if I was okay, wondering “what’s up with this guy”? Janine: One minute we were casually riding down the…
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Top 10 Tips to Ruin Your Marriage
1. Put the Relationship on Autopilot Stop dating your spouse. Stop pursuing. You’ve won them, haven’t you? Transition into roommate mode. Cultivate separate lives, separate friends even separate interests. The marriage will take care of itself, the way houseplants do when you don’t water them. 😜 2. Stop Saying Thank You – It’s Overrated. Gratitude is for new relationships and people who are still trying to impress each other. Your spouse should know they’re appreciated. Stop saying thank you for dinner and other small things… it takes too much energy. 😫 3. Keep Score Marriage can be a competitive sport (with no trophy). Keep a mental spreadsheet of every chore, forgotten anniversary, and argument. Have this info at hand during arguments to ensure you always have the upper hand. 4. Outsource Intimacy …
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Ready for a Marriage Check-up?
If someone asks, “How’s your marriage?” how would you answer? It’s hard to give an objective answer. This week, we offer a short quiz you can take to evaluate how things are going in your marriage. Before we can move toward the goal of a better marriage, we need to know where we are currently. Doing this Marriage Check-up exercise helped us take stock of how we were doing. Here’s what we learned… We had a couple areas where Ken’s scores were higher than Janine’s (or vice-versa) – Parenting and Spirituality. We agreed the area where we struggle the most as a couple was Conflict Resolution. This all led to some…
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We’re Broken
Your marriage is broken… or at least that’s how it seems. Here’s a secret… we’re ALL broken. Both as individuals and as couples, we’re all broken in some way. We’re in constant need of repair and healing. From our past and in the present. And… just acknowledging this is huge. Although so many couples may seem perfect (or in a state of perpetual bliss), we all experience brokenness in marriage. We all cycle through stages of romance, disappointment, and disillusionment. But there’s hope and strength in knowing that we don’t have to be perfect. We just need to be willing to work on growing together rather than apart. ROMANCE KEN: This is the phase of our relationship I remember best: dating, honeymoon, and newlywed times. Boy-o-boy, were those good times. I spent a lot of time just yearning for those exact times to return. DISAPPOINTMENT JANINE: Shakespeare said, “Expectation is the root of all heartache.” When…
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Decisions, Decisions
Learn a simplified decision-making process for married couples. When facing hard choices, remember that "we" come first. This article outlines how to pause, zoom out, and make important decisions together for a stronger marriage.
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Relationships: Why Your Circle Matters
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn Whether we realize it or not, the people we spend time with are shaping our thoughts, habits, and even our values. When we spend time with positive, purpose-driven people, we find ourselves growing in that direction. But the opposite is also true: if we surround ourselves with people who are negative, cynical, or self-destructive, we’ll drift that way without even realizing it. The Influence of Friends on Marriage A Pew Research study found that people were 75% more likely to divorce if a close friend or family member divorced. Even having a friend of…
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Carefree Timelessness
We first heard about the concept of Carefree Timelessness years ago in a talk given by Matthew Kelly. He defines carefree timelessness as: “Time spent together with nothing to achieve other than the enjoyment of each other’s company.” In Kelly’s book titled, Slowing Down to the Speed of Joy, he writes: “Carefree timelessness is the reason young people fall in love so easily, and lack of carefree timelessness is the reason the rest of us fall out of love so easily. You had plenty of carefree timelessness when you were falling in love. You made it a priority.” Reclaiming What Matters Most We all get busy, but being too busy…
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How to Resolve Disagreements in Marriage
A few years ago we saw an article with the title: How to Resolve Disagreements in Marriage, by Nina Chen, Ph.D. Here’s what Dr. Chen, a Human Development Specialist, had to say: “There is no perfect marriage. Even happy, healthy marriages involve some conflict from time to time. Conflict is a normal part of sharing life with someone else. The key is to know how to deal with disagreement and conflict in a constructive way. These steps can help: 1. Set a specific time to work on the disagreement It is very important to discuss problems when both spouses can mentally and emotionally prepare. Writing down the problem before discussion…
