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Love & Respect
Making generalized statements about men or women can be risky. But there’s one generalization that seems to apply to most of us. A few years ago, we went to a marriage enrichment on the topic of Love & Respect. It was based on a book by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs (“Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs”), a New York Times best seller. The premise of this book is that men (in general) need to be respected, while women (in general) need to feel loved. Disagreeing Respectfully JANINE: Eggerichs points out that when a husband feels disrespected, it could just as well be translated as…
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Marriage Role Models
Who are your marriage role models? The number of couples choosing to get married is plummeting. Good solid marriages are less common than they used to be. Maybe YOUR marriage has been a role model for others – or maybe you would like to be. Role Models from Our Childhood Janine: As a kid I was surrounded by solid marriages – my parents, aunts and uncles, and grandparents were all in committed marriages. One solid memory that has stuck with me from my childhood was the feeling I had whenever I heard my dad call my mom “Lovey.” When Dad called Mom “Lovey” all was right with the world. His…
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5 Reasons You Need a Getaway Without Kids
This post originally appeared on The Couples Post on Sept. 12, 2021. As we placed linen napkins on our laps for a fancy dinner, we realized life as we knew it was about to change. We were soon going to become parents. We’d enjoyed two wonderful years of marriage and wondered … would this be our last Getaway alone? Why get away without kids? 1. You and Your Marriage need Attention. Raising small humans takes constant attention. We can easily pour all our energy into them. We didn’t want to be strangers after the kids moved out, so we chose to intentionally invest time and energy into our relationship. Read…
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Opposing Perspectives
We can both be in the same room looking at the same situation but have remarkably different responses to whatever is going on. Our perspective can be clouded by many things. You may think you’ve been kind and loving to your spouse – but later find out that they’re feeling lonely or unloved. Your spouse may think they were respectful to you, but you think they were being patronizing or condescending. When it comes down to “he said, she said”, it’s possible that neither of you is seeing everything clearly. How ‘Bout Some Netflix? One of the classic moments from our marriage that demonstrates this was one evening when Ken thought he’d…
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Tip of the Iceberg
KEN: Some years ago, we noticed a small spot of rust on our car and decided to scrape it off and re-paint it. The more I scraped away at that small rust spot the more I found. That darn rust had grown like a cancer un-detected for who knows how long. Just a little crack… JANINE: A few months ago, I found some tiny cracks on the floorboard in our basement bedroom. As we looked more carefully, we found mold, and water damage that had likely been going on for a few years. Needless to say, this led to hours of work on ripping out moldy carpet, walls, landscaping, sealing cracks, and…
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Married Singles
Why do married couples gradually (and unknowingly) drift toward finding fulfillment outside our marriage, rather than within our marriage? In one of his popular YouTube videos, entitled, “Wanting to Fix People,” Fr. Mike Schmitz talks about how husbands or wives might see something in their spouse that they dislike. Gradually this annoying behavior or characteristic can lead a spouse to look for fulfillment from someTHING else. Instead of my spouse being my one legitimate source of fulfillment, I’m going to replace them with ___________. You might fill in that blank with any number of things, such as: romance novels, TV binging, spending time with the kids, hunting, sports, emotional intimacy with a…
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The Thief
You may not realize it, but you’re being robbed. Right now. The thief comes in many forms. It comes in the form of stress, anxiety, fear of failure, addiction, self-centeredness, or letting ourselves get too busy. No matter what form the thief comes in, it does the same thing every time. It robs us of the joy, peace and closeness with each other. Finances, in-laws, problems with sex, lack of communication, work, “busyness,” hobbies… Whatever our “thief” is… Why do we let this thief take over? And what could be more important than re-evaluating, re-prioritizing and NOT letting any thief rob us of joy? Ken: The thief strikes most…
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5 Things I Wish I’d Done Differently
Sharon Wilson, a recent widow, shares the five things she learned in her marriage and wishes she would have known sooner. Last fall, I was asked to speak to a group of married couples who are leaders in Worldwide Marriage Encounter. At the time of the ask, I was widowed for just a few months. I wasn’t sure why they asked me; in fact, I asked the coordinator if she remembered that I was widowed. She reminded me that I have something to share and with my husband’s loss, I could let other couples know about our love and life and tell them what I wish I would have done. “The…
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Lost that Lovin’ feeling?
Has your marriage turned out like you hoped it would? We all come into marriage with expectations, many of which don’t pan out. Janine: I grew up surrounded by my parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents who were all in solid, committed marriages. My Mom and Dad worked side by side, and I admired how they had long conversations about the day’s events and their plans for the future. I expected that someday, my husband and I would also work side by side and enjoy long talks. Ken: Many of the marriages I witnessed as a child were less than ideal. My parents were divorced. I was determined things would be…
