Listen, Linda!!! Active Listening In Marriage

Did you ever watch the viral YouTube video called Listen, Linda? (Watch video) It’s pretty funny, but also good food for thought. Really, what we all want is to be heard and understood, which is part of being loved. But this is sometimes easier said than done.

Easily Distracted & Uninclined: My Default Setting

KEN: I’m easily distracted and not inclined to listen to things that don’t interest me. This naturally creates a challenge for good communication in our marriage. 

JANINE: I like quiet time at home.  When I’m chipping away at my to-do list, or even when I’m doing dishes, I like to spend time with my own thoughts so that I can process my day and find some peace.  When Ken brings up a question or a topic he wants to discuss during ‘my quiet time’, I can be a very impatient listener.  

No Excuses: Ditching the “Man Thing” Alibi

KEN: I’ve learned, and I KNOW to stop, make eye contact, and listen when Janine is talking to me. But it can still be difficult sometimes. Whether that’s a “man thing” or undiagnosed ADD or a bad habit I’ve developed over many years, I can’t make excuses. This whole “intentional effort” thing is what I’m (and all of us are) called to – for the sake of Janine and our relationship. 

JANINE: I’ve learned that some people think before they talk, while other people talk to help themselves think, and Ken is one of the people in the latter group.  Knowing this has helped me to be more patient when I’m listening to him.  When I realize that he’s ‘processing’ as he talks, I understand that my job is to simply listen and either restate to him what I’ve heard or to help him come to his own conclusion.  

Why Her 3-Minute Story Is Actually a Big Deal

KEN: It’s not easy to listen to one of Janine’s 3-minute stories of how someone did something – especially if it doesn’t matter to me. What I need to remember is that what’s important to Janine needs to be important to me. Listening to Janine when she wants to talk or when she has things to get off her mind at bedtime… these are opportunities. Opportunities to connect… to show my care for her… to understand her better. 

The Art of Saying “I Love You” Without Opening Your Mouth

JANINE: I need to remember that listening is one of the simplest ways to say “I love you” without saying a word. No advice, no fixing — just presence. In a marriage, that kind of attention is rare enough to feel like a gift every time Ken or I offer it to each other.

Active Listening in Marriage: It’s a Choice

KEN: At the end of the day, active listening isn’t just a communication technique—it’s a choice to value Janine over my own  wants/needs.  When I put down my phone or step away from the TV to listen to her, I’m sending a clear message: You matter more to me than whatever else is going on right now.

JANINE: I may never become a perfect listener, but the more I understand WHO my spouse is, and what I can do to be a better listener, the better our relationship will be.  OK Linda… I’m listening!