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What’s Your Spouse’s Love Language?
Is The 5 Love Languages outdated? Not a chance. See how this practical tool is still saving, changing, and boosting marriages today—plus, resources to find your own language.
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Sacrificing vs. Generosity in Marriage: A Paradigm Shift
Sacrificing in marriage can lead to resentment. A paradigm shift to reciprocal acts of generosity can help to heal resentment.
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Mistakes Made During Conflict
Chris: Recently, Michelle and I were having a conversation about how we spend our free time. Actually, the argument started when Michelle asked, “What do you want to do this weekend?” It quickly escalated into an argument. Research on couple relationships shows that there are three common mistakes made during an argument. Here’s what it looked like for us. Mistake #1: You Change! It is easy for me to have a long list of what Michelle could and should do differently and a brief list of my own shortcomings. Unfortunately, pointing out Michelle’s flaws does not encourage change. Typically, when I ramble off these to her, she becomes defensive. Michelle: Chris said, “You…
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Running Up A Downward Escalator
Ken: Last week we were making our way through the airport with our carry-on bags. As we started down an escalator, I suddenly remembered I left my phone lying in the bathroom at the top of the escalator. In that split second, my only thought was that someone would find it and snatch it. Not today! I turned around with my suitcase, pushed Janine aside as I started trying to run up those steps that were propelling us downward. I fell near the top step but bounced up quickly. With a heroic leap, like a running back jumping into the end-zone, I made it to the top bruised but victorious. The wide-eyed onlookers asked if I was okay, wondering “what’s up with this guy”? Janine: One minute we were casually riding down the…
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Yelping My Spouse Round One
Chris: As a small business owner, our reviews on Yelp can make or break us. We thought it might be funny to give one another a Yelp review. Here is what we came up with. Michelle: Yelping my husband. Vendor Evaluation: Navigation & Transportation Title: How Many Times Are You Going to Have Siri Say, “Recalculating”? Rating: ⭐ (1/5 Stars) — Would give 0 stars but we did actually arrive at our destination. Contractor Name: Chris (The Navigator)-believes he is a human GPS. Project Scope: A 2-hour one-way trip to Phoenix. The Service Encounter: the Navigator insisted on “taking a shortcut” to avoid a 12-minute delay on the highway. This decision was made without consulting the Primary Stakeholder (me)…
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Top 10 Tips to Ruin Your Marriage
1. Put the Relationship on Autopilot Stop dating your spouse. Stop pursuing. You’ve won them, haven’t you? Transition into roommate mode. Cultivate separate lives, separate friends even separate interests. The marriage will take care of itself, the way houseplants do when you don’t water them. 😜 2. Stop Saying Thank You – It’s Overrated. Gratitude is for new relationships and people who are still trying to impress each other. Your spouse should know they’re appreciated. Stop saying thank you for dinner and other small things… it takes too much energy. 😫 3. Keep Score Marriage can be a competitive sport (with no trophy). Keep a mental spreadsheet of every chore, forgotten anniversary, and argument. Have this info at hand during arguments to ensure you always have the upper hand. 4. Outsource Intimacy …
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Wash War I
Michelle: One evening after dinner was over and the dishes had been washed; I went to the sink to get a glass of water. I was shocked to find that the sink had not been rinsed out, and food particles were beginning to form small islands. I very intentionally and very breezily said, “Hey, next time you do the dishes, can you make sure to rinse the sink?” Chris: What I heard, “Hey, you did the dishes wrong.” How I responded, “Next time, I will leave the dishes for you to do since you always do them perfectly and therefore, we know the task will be completed to perfection.” As…
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Behaviors, Communication, Conflict, Decision to Love, Forgiveness, Growth, Happiness, Perseverance, Resilience
Marriage – the Olympics of Relationships
Julie: John and I have really enjoyed watching the Olympics these past couple of weeks. Medals are won by fractions of a second. Partnerships are tested under pressure. Expectations run high. There is disappointment and elation. Marriage is the Olympics of Relationships. Both require preparation, endurance, resilience, and an unwavering commitment to something bigger than yourself.
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Emotional Baggage
Chris: Recently, while returning home from a trip, the wheel of our suitcase broke. It was the last leg of the trip and both of us looked at our suitcase like it had failed us in some way. We were tired from traveling all day and the last thing we wanted to do was have to switch back and forth, carrying a broken suitcase through the airport. So, in that moment, the easiest thing to do was to blame the suitcase for being faulty. We both had convinced ourselves that it was a bad suitcase and how could the company put out something so awful. Never mind that we had…
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Time-out!
Julie: Let’s be honest—life gets busy. Between work, kids, errands, and the never-ending to-do list, it’s so easy for your marriage to slip down your list of priorities. You’re not alone if you’ve ever looked at your spouse at the end of a long day and realized you haven’t really connected, maybe not even had a real conversation, in days or even weeks. But here’s the thing – taking a time-out for your marriage isn’t just something that’s nice to do. It’s the foundation that keeps everything else in your life running smoothly.
