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The Busy Train
Julie All Aboard! We pile in the Busy Train and hang on for dear life, John in one car and me in another. The scenery flies by, until it becomes a blur. Distracted by responsibilities and commitments, we see each other only in passing. We talk at meals, but not about much, and not for long – too much to do! Cuddle time flies out the window as we work late into the night and then get up and do it all over again the next day. Stop the train! I want to get off!
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A Toast
John: Well, it finally happened! The wedding of the century (at least OUR century so far) arrived and now our nuclear family of 5 has become 6! The look on our son’s face was priceless as his beautiful beaming bride turned the corner, walking down the aisle toward him and their future together. A hint of the boy he once was shone through the giant smile of the incredible man he’d become, We knew this would be an emotional day, one filled with joy as our son pledged a lifetime of love and commitment to his beloved and she to him. We weren’t prepared for how deep those emotions would…
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Mud in the Backyard
Mud in the backyard. You might think there is a metaphor in that. Maybe there is.
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5 Things I Wish I’d Done Differently
Sharon Wilson, a recent widow, shares the five things she learned in her marriage and wishes she would have known sooner. Last fall, I was asked to speak to a group of married couples who are leaders in Worldwide Marriage Encounter. At the time of the ask, I was widowed for just a few months. I wasn’t sure why they asked me; in fact, I asked the coordinator if she remembered that I was widowed. She reminded me that I have something to share and with my husband’s loss, I could let other couples know about our love and life and tell them what I wish I would have done. “The…
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Does He Buy You Avocados
Chris: Michelle and I have been married for a while and have had our fair share of ups and downs. We have also gone through a lot of things together, some of which tested her patience with me and mine with her. But our marriage is a partnership. One in which I accept the differences between us as well as the little things that can drive me crazy, knowing she will do the same. Michelle: Recently, our twenty-five year old daughter and I were talking. I told her, I had some great new marriage advice: Marry the man that buys you avocados. This may sound like strange advice, but here’s…
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Lost that Lovin’ feeling?
Has your marriage turned out like you hoped it would? We all come into marriage with expectations, many of which don’t pan out. Janine: I grew up surrounded by my parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents who were all in solid, committed marriages. My Mom and Dad worked side by side, and I admired how they had long conversations about the day’s events and their plans for the future. I expected that someday, my husband and I would also work side by side and enjoy long talks. Ken: Many of the marriages I witnessed as a child were less than ideal. My parents were divorced. I was determined things would be…
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Why Go It Alone
Michelle: When our daughter was three, she and I were walking out of Target. Before we walked out the door, I asked her to put her coat on. As I was putting my own coat on, I noticed that she was putting her coat on upside down. I bent down to try to help her when she yelled the inevitable three-year-old battle cry, “I can do it myself.” For approximately five minutes, I watched as she wriggled out of the coat, struggled because the sleeves were then inside out, finally getting the coat on correctly and proudly exclaiming, “See, I told you!” How many times have we all struggled, knowing…
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Is “Being Right” Really Right?
John: “Being right” is a quality that I find irresistible. I often feel compelled to establish my “rightness” about something, even when I have that small voice of conscience telling me that adopting that attitude can be hurtful to Julie and our relationship. This can crop up in small everyday little things, like the best route to take on a local drive, or bigger things, like how to handle a difficult situation with a family member or friend. “I’m right,” whether spoken outright or evidenced by my behavior, has caused a lot of dissent in our relationship over the years.
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Motivation Tank
Does it ever seem that your spouse just doesn’t appreciate you? Do you sometimes lack the motivation to show your spouse that you love them? What’s the missing ingredient? Often, it’s the things we aren’t receiving, like affirmation, appreciation and intentional acts of love. Coincidentally, these are the same things we likely are not giving to our spouse. Some would argue that it’s hard to give when your “motivation tank” is empty. It’s difficult to make the decision to love my spouse, when I’m feeling unloved or unappreciated. What’s my motivation (underlying reason) for expressing love or doing a loving act for my spouse? What’s Your Motivation? Really, what’s my…
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Competition vs Unity in Marriage
Are you in competition with your spouse or do you see yourselves as a unified team? Although we don’t consciously think about being in competition with our spouse, our individual interests can sometimes fester into competition. Even little things like who’s turn it is to unload the dishwasher can become a source of irritation. When we compete with each other to get our own way, we both end up getting less and feeling hurt or unloved. When I prioritize “me” over “we,” we clash. Making decisions focused on “we” instead of “me” brings unity AND actually makes both of us happier. If we both give up some control to come…
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