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Is There Technoference in Your Marriage?
Recently, we read an article and learned a new word – “Technoference.” This word “refers to the interruptions in interpersonal communication caused by attention paid to personal tech devices.” Although we hadn’t heard of this word, we knew instantly that ‘Technoference’ is an issue in our marriage. But Technology Is Useful… Most of the time, using our phones is not a big deal… technology is very useful. We love getting videos or pictures from our family. We couldn’t do our jobs, keep in touch with others, or find our way around a new city without our phones. However… Every once in a while, the phone in front of our spouse’s…
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Making Decisions as a Couple is a 3-Legged Race
We make several thousand decisions a day. Most are based on experience and intuition — like putting your pants on one leg at a time. But making decisions as a couple requires skill, like a 3-Legged Race. Here are some tips to cross the finish line with skin and joints intact.
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Marriage is a Minefield
We walked into marriage blissfully unaware of any danger. Although we did get advice from more seasoned couples, nobody warned us that marriage is a minefield. Careless Early Explosions Jen: When we had only been married for about three years, we stepped on one of our first big landmines. It started out as a conversation about balancing the checkbook. We took turns with this task and looking at our finances so we both could see how our money was spent, but our perspectives were different. Nick was the main breadwinner while I was the main caretaker at home. Our different responsibilities made us biased to our own perspectives. Instead of…
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Loving Each Other in Spite of Our Differences
It’s no secret. We are different, two unique individuals formed from different backgrounds and experiences. While this frequently leads to us complementing each other, it can sometimes cause us to clash. Loving each other in spite of our differences is a decision we can make to break through these times of conflict.
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4 Steps to Resolve Disagreements in Marriage
This week we decided to share something we clipped out of a newspaper a few years ago with the title: How to Resolve Disagreements in Marriage, by Nina Chen, Ph.D. A quick google search led us to the online version here: http://missourifamilies.org/features/divorcearticles/divorcefeature45.htm Here’s what Dr. Chen, a Human Development Specialist with the University of Missouri Extension, has to say: “There is no perfect marriage. Even happy, healthy marriages involve some conflict from time to time. Conflict is a normal part of sharing life with someone else. The key is to know how to deal with disagreement and conflict in a constructive way. These steps can help: 1. Set a specific…
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Got G.A.M.E?
Chris: I am a golfer. I will golf anytime, any course and with almost anyone. But I am a golfer with G.A.M.E. Allow us to explain. G is for Green Jacket. In golf, the Green Jacket is awarded to the winner of the Masters. In our marriage, I think of the Green Jacket as our wedding day. While I didn’t actually wear a green jacket, I was a true winner the day Michelle said, “I do.” There are only 53 men lucky enough to wear the coveted jacket. Considering that 90-100 people compete each year over the last 83 years, there’s no wonder these jackets are so special. Similarly, when I consider that in the 3.9 billion…
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Love Letters
Julie I recently rediscovered a box of love letters that my parents wrote to each other. My dad had given them to me after my mom died. My dad was drafted into the army when he and my mom were still newlyweds. There was no email, no texting, no Facetime. There was only a brief Sunday phone call and love letters Monday through Saturday. These letters were mostly about details of daily life, but they were also filled with expressions of love and longing to be together again. Their arrival was a daily reminder of their love and the commitment they had made to each other.
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“Just Let Me do That!”
Resentment, frustration, bitterness. Where do these come from? Sometimes, they’re a result of treating our spouse as “inferior” (due to our own attitude of superiority). Superiorities are something we all have, even if we don’t realize it.
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The Game of Life
In the game of life, even with the best laid plans, things going awry isn’t just a possibility – it’s a probability. It’s how we change the game plan that determines whether we turn it into a touchdown or a turnover. Here’s the play-by-play of our recent weekend watching our twin 8-year-old nieces: Game plan: Camping in the back yard, complete with campfire and s’mores Actual play: 3 days straight of rain Punt: Making popcorn and watching a movie together Game plan: Going for a big explore in a nearby park and checking out the new playground equipment Actual play: 3 days straight of rain Punt: Crafts and having a…
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Trash Talk
Our first heated “discussion” as a married couple wasn’t about what people call the “important” stuff – our values, family, money, jobs, or kids. Instead, our first “couple argument” was a top of the lungs, door-slamming, Tupperware-throwing, window rattling discussion about – our trash cans. We weren’t discussing color, size, number, or shape of our trash cans. We both pretty much agreed that a trash can is a trash can and should definitely look like a trash can. No issues there. Our fight was about who, of the two of us, would be deemed (for eternity and thereafter) the primary trash can “dragger” each and every week – 52 times…
