We Are More Than a Single Story

Michelle:

Recently for work, we watched a TED talk titled, “The Danger of a Single Story”.   The presenter, a Nigerian author, shared that she left Nigeria as a 19-year-old, to attend a university in the United States.  Her roommate knew, before they met, her age and where she was from.  When they met for the first time, her surprised roommate asked her where she learned to speak English so well.  She responded, “Well, English is the official language of Nigeria.”  Her roommate also asked her if she had any recordings of the tribal music that they listen to.  The author shared that she tremendously disappointed her roommate when she produced a tape of Mariah Carey.  Her roommate had “single storied” her and, in the process, stereotyped anyone from Africa.  In her single story, there was no possibility of Africans being like her or of producing feelings more complex than pity.  After watching the video, we were split into groups to discuss a time when we had been “single storied” or when we had “single storied” others. When I got home from work that night, I shared the video and discussion with Chris. 

Chris:

I related to the TED talk and thought about all the times that I had been, “single storied”. 

• Being a teacher’s kid.
• Playing football. 
• Being from a small town.

Michelle:

I was struck not only by the ways I had experienced being single storied, but the ways Chris and I have single storied one another(and sometimes continue to do so). When we met, Chris created his first single story when he learned I was a cheerleader. Later, when he found out I was an only child, he created another single story.  I created single stories about Chris when we met because I heard he was a jock and learned he was the oldest child in his family.

Chris:

When we got married, I learned that my wife didn’t cook. This tragically clashed with a single story I grew up with-a wife should cook.  It also contradicted another single story I believed-all Italian women are great cooks. 

Michelle:

Recently, I was describing something that happened at work. Chris said, “Well, you can be pretty emotional.” I responded, “Yes, and I can also be reasonable, practical and efficient.”

Chris:

When Michelle brought home this TED talk, I immediately recalled the conversation where I told her that she can be pretty emotional.  It surprised me that as much as I love my wife, I can easily create a single story.  Brene Brown offers another perspective about stories.  She says, “We are responsible for Story Stewardship.  This is the practice of listening, trusting and connecting.  We communicate to others that they are seen and heard, when we honor their experience.”

Michelle’s favorite movie of all time is Breakfast Club. The assignment they are given during their Saturday detention is to write an essay telling the principal who they think they are. Their letter reads as follows:

Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you’re crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us – in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain…and an athlete…and a basket case…a princess…and a criminal.  Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club. 

Michelle:

I think this movie was so far ahead of it’s time and embodies the idea that we are more than our single story.  So, the next time you begin creating a single story about your spouse, throw that arm in the air and vow to remember that we are all more than our single story!