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The 5 “P’s” of Constructive Feedback
Photo Credit: Ian Schneider (Reprise of post originally published on 09-16-2019) We once read an article on criticism in marriage. The Author’s bottom line was “don’t do it.” Even asking: “Can I give you some feedback?” was cautioned against. Sometimes suggestions given with the best intent with regard to work, chores, relationships with the kids can back fire. Think back seat driving. Experience has taught us 5 Key Points for when we just want to give each other a little suggestion. These 5 simple points set the tone and enable us to let down our defenses and be supportive of each other when offering a little constructive feedback.
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What Can’t You Afford to Edit out of Your Story?
Michelle: When I was a teenager, I remember coming home after breaking up with a guy and my dad asking me how it went. I gave the inevitable teenage response, “I don’t want to talk about it.” My dad responded, “You don’t have to. But you do need to remember that there are some things in life that you can’t afford to edit out of your story. Is this one of them?”
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Getting More of What You Want in Your Marriage
Recently, we attended a work-shop on how to incorporate more positivity into our lives. We were reminded how easily the challenges of life can dominate our thinking. This can be especially true where our couple relationship is concerned. Have you ever thought, “He never gives me any affection” or “She always nags me”?
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My (insert cuss word) Valentine
CHRIS: I knew Michelle was the one from the moment we met. But the thing that made it unquestionable for me was when we went shopping together right after Christmas and the store clerks were busy changing out shelves to Valentine’s Day items. Michelle turned to me and said, “Good grief. If that isn’t the perfect image of how commercial that holiday is…”. I was hooked. She was beautiful, smart and placed absolutely NO value on Valentine’s Day. Fast forward a few years into our marriage when a simple Valentine’s gift turned out to be not so simple.
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Verbal Judo – Harmonizing Your Tone of Voice
Some time ago, we wrote about the importance of being aware of the Tone of Voice we use with our spouse. The gist of the post was that our Tone of Voice is the key culprit that begins most disagreements, hurts, and fights between spouses. We want to revisit this important topic and provide some additional helpful hints we’ve learned along the way.
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Rule #1 for Resolving Conflict
Paul: With our child rearing days behind us, I figured any potential conflict surrounding child rearing was over too. Boy was I mistaken. We took our 3 year old granddaughter with us to the beach for two weeks so she wouldn’t have to be in day care. While we were both looking forward to some quality time with her, I cringed when Stephanie suggested that we run point on potty training her. That’s when the trouble began. My attitude was, “Why do we have do this?” But instead of speaking up, I kept silent.
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8 Ideas to Help Settle Disagreements in Marriage
“I disagree!” “What?!?!” “You don’t understand.” When husbands and wives disagree, things can get tense. We dig in our heels, raise the volume, and let our emotions get the best of us. Arguments can turn into a competition to win (as if anyone every truly “wins” in an argument). Whenever we hear ourselves say, “You always….,” or “You never…,” we know we’re marching down the wrong road. So how can we settle disagreements?
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I Could Use Some Help!
You may have heard the analogy that men are like waffles, women like spaghetti. Neuroscientists have found that typically the male brain focuses on one thing at a time while females tend to mentally juggle multiple thoughts. For example, when a man is doing the dishes, he’s thinking about…the dishes. When a woman is doing the dishes, she might be thinking about the grocery list, that salad for the picnic on Saturday, the dentist appointment tomorrow, and that she needs to call her parents to see how they’re doing. All this mental and emotional work is invisible, but it can be exhausting.
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The Benefit of the Doubt
Courtesy of Pixabay via Pexels The image of a pebble dropped into a still pond is a powerful one for many people. It is a visual representation of the idea that one small act can have a “ripple effect.” It can spread out and be carried across the water of our life and the lives of those around us further than we may perceive. Giving the benefit of the doubt can be that pebble in your relationship with your spouse.
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Annual Marriage Tune-Up
A number of years ago, some friends of ours told us about a little trick they use to keep their marriage healthy, strong, and vibrant. Every year, they pledge to attend some kind of marriage enrichment event together. According to our friends, this does not mean weekend getaways to the beach, skiing, or going to a bed and breakfast together.
