4 Steps to Resolve Disagreements in Marriage

This week we decided to share something we clipped out of a newspaper a few years ago with the title: How to Resolve Disagreements in Marriage, by Nina Chen, Ph.D. A quick google search led us to the online version here: http://missourifamilies.org/features/divorcearticles/divorcefeature45.htm

Here’s what Dr. Chen, a Human Development Specialist with the University of Missouri Extension, has to say:

“There is no perfect marriage. Even happy, healthy marriages involve some conflict from time to time. Conflict is a normal part of sharing life with someone else. The key is to know how to deal with disagreement and conflict in a constructive way. These steps can help:

1. Set a specific time to work on the problem

It is very important to discuss problems when both spouses can mentally and emotionally prepare. Writing down the problem before discussion can help to focus on specific issues.

2. Listen to the other person’s point of view

Listen to each other and allow both sides to explain and express feelings without interruption. Avoid making judgments or trying to be a mind reader. Showing respect for each other’s point of view makes it clear that both of you are working together to resolve the problem rather than just trying to “win” the argument. Clear, direct communication can help you understand each other better.

3. Identify solutions

Brainstorm solutions to the problem together and don’t criticize the other person’s input. Exploring as many solutions as possible helps to find a solution that both will accept. This process requires compromise and negotiation.

4. Decide on a mutually acceptable solution

After listing the proposed solutions, evaluate each one and choose one that may solve the problem. When evaluating the solutions, discuss the possible implementation and outcomes. Making a list of pros and cons for each solution can help. If both spouses still disagree, discuss the reasons and explore options until both agree to try one solution. Open communication and mutual sharing and respect can help prevent feelings of rejection and can promote growth.”

Now What?

Ken and Janine’s Takeaways from Dr. Chen’s article: First, it helps knowing that we’re not the only ones who have disagreements. We won’t always find a solution that satisfies both of us. Sometimes we have to meet in the middle. In the end, we need to realize the most important thing is our relationship- nothing else matters as much as “us.” That perspective helps us to find our way through the conflict.

More articles from The Couples Post on the topic of ‘Conflict in Marriage’: