“Just Let Me do That!”

Resentment, frustration, bitterness. Where do these come from? Sometimes, they’re a result of treating our spouse as “inferior” (due to our own attitude of superiority). Superiorities are something we all have, even if we don’t realize it.

A superior attitude is when we’ve convinced ourselves that we’re a better person than our spouse. Our Attitudes of superiority are rooted in our poor self-image. They compensate for feelings of unworthiness. A superiority can also be a way of protecting ourselves in an area where we have strengths, and don’t want anyone to move into our ‘territory’.

Say What?!?!

Some Examples:

“I’m a more generous and caring person and tend to other’s needs, so I believe I’m more caring than my spouse.”

“I believe I’m the more objective person who can handle problems because I can look beyond the emotions of a given situation.”

“I think I can relay details better than you, so you should let me tell the story. I will get it right.”

Most of us don’t even recognize we have these attitudes of superiority OR how destructive they can be. It’s SO important to recognize our superior attitudes, and then to change our behaviors.

I’ve Got This…

Janine: I held the belief that I was a better communicator than Ken, so I didn’t trust him to reply to emails. Sometimes when he was writing an email, I would look over his shoulder to be sure he was using the ‘right words’ to get the message across the way I thought he should. As you can imagine, he didn’t appreciate my ‘coaching.’

Another superiority of mine is thinking that I am better than Ken when it comes to helping or giving advice to our kids. At times I’ve purposefully called or texted one of our kids when Ken was not around, thinking I know better what’s going on in their lives- so I should reach out to them. Later, when the topic surfaces, Ken asks me, “Why didn’t I know about this?” Rather than being a supportive team, there’s friction between us.

Let a Man Handle this…

Ken: One superior attitude I have is in the area of fixing things. If something needs to be fixed, I think I should be the one to do it. It’s not fixing things that’s the problem: it’s my attitude that I’m the better person because of a few skills.

I also carry the attitude of superiority when it comes to Our bank accounts and investments. Decisions regarding finances are my territory. I let Janine know I’m more knowledgeable in this area and give her the message that I’m “better” than her.

Let’s Be On The Same Team

These attitudes cause frustrations or resentments that can pile up, until one day something small ‘breaks the camel’s back.’ We argue and are left feeling angry and confused. What is your superior attitude? How does it effect your marriage? Recognizing a superiority is the first step toward positive change.