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Yelping My Spouse Round One
Chris: As a small business owner, our reviews on Yelp can make or break us. We thought it might be funny to give one another a Yelp review. Here is what we came up with. Michelle: Yelping my husband. Vendor Evaluation: Navigation & Transportation Title: How Many Times Are You Going to Have Siri Say, “Recalculating”? Rating: ⭐ (1/5 Stars) — Would give 0 stars but we did actually arrive at our destination. Contractor Name: Chris (The Navigator)-believes he is a human GPS. Project Scope: A 2-hour one-way trip to Phoenix. The Service Encounter: the Navigator insisted on “taking a shortcut” to avoid a 12-minute delay on the highway. This decision was made without consulting the Primary Stakeholder (me)…
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Coasting
Picture it – you’re on a bicycle, you’ve pedaled and pedaled and put some effort into making it go, and now you are coasting along. The wind in your face feels cool and refreshing and the effort you’re having to put in at this point is minimal – it’s like the bicycle could keep going forever on its own. But if you’re not having to peddle anymore and the bicycle is still moving it can mean only one thing: You’re heading downhill. Now imagine that this is a bicycle built for two and it represents your marriage. Coasting is a dangerous game to play. Downhill coasting can pick up speed…
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Wash War I
Michelle: One evening after dinner was over and the dishes had been washed; I went to the sink to get a glass of water. I was shocked to find that the sink had not been rinsed out, and food particles were beginning to form small islands. I very intentionally and very breezily said, “Hey, next time you do the dishes, can you make sure to rinse the sink?” Chris: What I heard, “Hey, you did the dishes wrong.” How I responded, “Next time, I will leave the dishes for you to do since you always do them perfectly and therefore, we know the task will be completed to perfection.” As…
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Emotional Baggage
Chris: Recently, while returning home from a trip, the wheel of our suitcase broke. It was the last leg of the trip and both of us looked at our suitcase like it had failed us in some way. We were tired from traveling all day and the last thing we wanted to do was have to switch back and forth, carrying a broken suitcase through the airport. So, in that moment, the easiest thing to do was to blame the suitcase for being faulty. We both had convinced ourselves that it was a bad suitcase and how could the company put out something so awful. Never mind that we had…
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Are We Scrolling by Our Relationship? (Repost)
The convenience our smartphones provide has come at a cost that we all feel. We see it when we’re out in public, with people staring at their phones rather than paying attention to their loved ones. One way of recognizing the problem with this comes from Drs. John and Julie Gottman – identifying how we make “bids” for attention from our partners. Paying attention to our cell phones makes it likely we’ll miss those bids and end up hurting each other.
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The Grace of Healing
Chris: Recently, Michelle’s boss gave her a surprise day off work. Michelle assumed, that because I work from home, I would be willing to drop what I was doing and, in her words, “go on a fun road trip together”. When Michelle presented me with the idea, her enthusiasm and excitement frustrated me. I was so annoyed about her, “fun adventure” that after she finished saying what we could do, I crossed my arms and snapped, “Oh sure Michelle. My work is insignificant. Let me drop everything I have planned today so that I can cater to your whims.” Unfortunately, I did not stop there. I decided in that moment,…
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Practice What You Preach
Michelle: One day our daughter Taryn came home from school and said, “The word practice is really confusing.” It can mean to work at something to gain skill, like when I practice my different tumbling passes at cheer. But it can also mean to be a professional at something. Like a doctor has a medical practice.” Chris: Taryn’s confusion about the word ‘practice’ really made me think. I responded, “It can also mean to carry out or do something-like practice what you preach.” Why is it important to practice what we preach? People should be attracted by our light in the way we live and in the words we speak. …
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Control in This Thing Called Life
Chris: Stuff happens… and, when I think about all the stuff that could or probably will happen to me on any given day, I am reminded of the lyrics from an 80’s Prince classic, “Let’s Go Crazy”. “Dearly beloved. We are gathered here today to get through this thing called life.” While there are many opinions about Prince songs, this line seems to be spot on with our goal as humans-let’s make it through today. But here’s a question…when stuff happens, how do you react? Do you freeze, freak out or bury your head? Or do you do some other variation of unproductive coping mechanisms that hijacks your logical brain, making you unable to problem…
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What is Love Asking of Me Now?
Michelle: Several years ago, a friend of mine shared that during a crashing disappointment in her relationship, her therapist suggested that she ask herself, “What is love asking of me now?” My friend shared that despite her instinct to move away from heartache, love was asking her to stretch in a way that she never had before. With several challenges in our lives, Chris and I have found ourselves asking this very question, “What is love asking of me now?” When I received a phone call from a friend of mine, sharing that her daughter died by suicide, I found myself wanting to allow the cloud of gray to recolor…
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Total Eclipse of the Heart
Julie Did you see the Great American Eclipse? If you were able to experience this rare cosmic phenomenon, you were lucky indeed. It was truly beyond description and way cooler than we’d ever imagined (literally as well – the temp dropped about 20 degrees during totality). A day later, Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart” is still running around in my head…and I don’t mind. But what I do mind is that I had a total eclipse of the heart in how I behaved towards John that day.
