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Are We Scrolling by Our Relationship?
The convenience our smartphones provide has come at a cost that we all feel. We see it when we’re out in public, with people staring at their phones rather than paying attention to their loved ones. One way of recognizing the problem with this comes from Drs. John and Julie Gottman – identifying how we make “bids” for attention from our partners. Paying attention to our cell phones makes it likely we’ll miss those bids and end up hurting each other.
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Get Real!
How does one describe a Journey without talking about the people who walk with you and influence your passage through life. Fr. Tom Ogg was one such companion and his message to “Get Real!” has been emblazoned on our hearts.
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Does Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder?
This past week we had to spend time apart as Jen traveled cross-country to spend some time helping her sister. When we spend time apart, there is a natural distance between us. Time apart can put a strain on our relationship. It is the combination of not being together, combined with the stress of travel on the one away and the stress of holding down the fort on the one who stays at home.
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Marriage Wake-Up Calls
Chris: Many couples see the old couple, sitting on the park bench, still holding hands and wonder, how did they stay together after all this time. Michelle and I have thought, “Can we, the middle-aged couple, be an inspiration for someone? Does being married for only a couple of decades count?” While we are unsure of how inspiring we are, we have had a few wake-up calls in our relationship that we will share. The first wake-up call was our unmatched expectations. When we got married, we both brought marriage views based on our imaginations, our parents, movies, society, etc. My mom cooked, cleaned and rarely declined doing something for my dad. When we got…
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Old Habits Die Hard
Have you ever fallen into this trap? You have a small disconnect that builds over time and turns into a huge disconnect that takes a lot of work to sort through, but you get through it. Then some time down the road, you start to fall back into whatever habit it was that disconnected you. You realize it and work through it again, but you’re kicking yourself for falling into the same trap. And you think to yourself, ‘why didn’t I learn the lesson the first time?’ Disconnection Jen: We had a disconnect of this sort this past week. I fell into an old habit of bottling up my frustration…
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Opposites Don’t Attract — They Attack
Let’s debunk the myth that “Opposites attract” once and for all. We are attracted to our spouse because they complement us. They bring completeness to our lives. In a relationship completeness is more than finding the missing piece to a puzzle. When the puzzle is done, it’s satisfying, but no longer fun and interesting.
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We Are More Than a Single Story
Michelle: Recently for work, we watched a TED talk titled, “The Danger of a Single Story”. The presenter, a Nigerian author, shared that she left Nigeria as a 19-year-old, to attend a university in the United States. Her roommate knew, before they met, her age and where she was from. When they met for the first time, her surprised roommate asked her where she learned to speak English so well. She responded, “Well, English is the official language of Nigeria.” Her roommate also asked her if she had any recordings of the tribal music that they listen to. The author shared that she tremendously disappointed her roommate when she produced a tape of Mariah Carey. Her roommate had…
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Choose Your Hard
“Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. Choose your hard. Obesity is hard. Being fit is hard. Choose your hard. Being in debt is hard. Being financially disciplined is hard. Choose your hard. Communication is hard. Not communicating is hard. Choose your hard. Life will never be easy. It will always be hard. But we can choose our hard. Choose wisely.” – Unknown Marriage Enrichment? Really? Is your marriage one of the most important gifts you have? If a friend told you, “My wife and I went to a marriage class,” would you say, ‘Oh no. Are you two having trouble?’ Or, would you say ‘How was it? We’ve been wanting to do something like…
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Making Up is Hard to Do
If you’re married, you’ve experienced conflict with your spouse. It’s inevitable in any relationship. Usually, this happens unintentionally – often over the littlest things. Most conflicts are a result of unmet expectations: I expected “this”, but “that” happened. One, or both of us, ends up feeling disrespected or hurt. Tensions Are Triggers Janine: Years ago, we were expecting company, and I was scurrying around tidying up. Ken asked what he could do to help so I asked him to put away the clean dishes. I then continued dashing around in panic mode because, after all, if the house is a mess our friends might think less of us (especially ME.) 😨 A few minutes went…
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Marriage Is a Teeter-Totter Ride
If you’ve spent time on a playground before 2004, you’ve probably hopped on a teeter-totter. Marriage is a teeter-totter ride. It can be relaxing, a gentle give and take. Marriage, like a teeter-totter can also be an experience of thrilling highs and the dizzying feeling of dropping low.
