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Why Go It Alone
Michelle: When our daughter was three, she and I were walking out of Target. Before we walked out the door, I asked her to put her coat on. As I was putting my own coat on, I noticed that she was putting her coat on upside down. I bent down to try to help her when she yelled the inevitable three-year-old battle cry, “I can do it myself.” For approximately five minutes, I watched as she wriggled out of the coat, struggled because the sleeves were then inside out, finally getting the coat on correctly and proudly exclaiming, “See, I told you!” How many times have we all struggled, knowing…
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The 4 Horsemen
Relationship researcher John Gottman has identified four negative behaviors he calls ‘The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse,’ that spell disaster for relationships. Identifying these Four Horsemen is the first step in being able to replace them with healthier behaviors. Turn The Horse Around KEN: As a “see the glass ½ empty” kind of person, it’s easy for me to be critical of Janine. We not only are different sexes but have different personality types and different ways of doing things. As a perfectionist, I have a tendency toward criticizing little things Janine does. This tendency hasn’t disappeared, but I’ve learned what I’m doing and how it negatively affects Janine and our…
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Speaking In Code
Michelle: When our daughter was four, she got out of the car, walked in the house and promptly asked me what a HUHA was. I wasn’t sure what she meant so I asked her where she had heard it. She said that someone cut them off in traffic and that her daddy yelled out the word. I mumbled something about it meaning a bad driver although I had figured out that it was Head Up His/Her As$. Chris: As Taryn got older, we went from spelling out S-A-N-T-A, to non-verbal cues like head nods towards an item or saying something like, “I bet Santa could bring something like this.” As…
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We Are More Than a Single Story
Michelle: Recently for work, we watched a TED talk titled, “The Danger of a Single Story”. The presenter, a Nigerian author, shared that she left Nigeria as a 19-year-old, to attend a university in the United States. Her roommate knew, before they met, her age and where she was from. When they met for the first time, her surprised roommate asked her where she learned to speak English so well. She responded, “Well, English is the official language of Nigeria.” Her roommate also asked her if she had any recordings of the tribal music that they listen to. The author shared that she tremendously disappointed her roommate when she produced a tape of Mariah Carey. Her roommate had…
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3 Tips to Reduce Holiday Stress
Like it or not, the Holidays are upon us. Jack-o-Lanterns may still be on the porches, but Christmas will be here before we know it. Here are 3 practical tips to reduce Holiday stress and find Joy as the Countdown to Christmas continues.
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Choose Your Hard
“Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. Choose your hard. Obesity is hard. Being fit is hard. Choose your hard. Being in debt is hard. Being financially disciplined is hard. Choose your hard. Communication is hard. Not communicating is hard. Choose your hard. Life will never be easy. It will always be hard. But we can choose our hard. Choose wisely.” – Unknown Marriage Enrichment? Really? Is your marriage one of the most important gifts you have? If a friend told you, “My wife and I went to a marriage class,” would you say, ‘Oh no. Are you two having trouble?’ Or, would you say ‘How was it? We’ve been wanting to do something like…
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Making Up is Hard to Do
If you’re married, you’ve experienced conflict with your spouse. It’s inevitable in any relationship. Usually, this happens unintentionally – often over the littlest things. Most conflicts are a result of unmet expectations: I expected “this”, but “that” happened. One, or both of us, ends up feeling disrespected or hurt. Tensions Are Triggers Janine: Years ago, we were expecting company, and I was scurrying around tidying up. Ken asked what he could do to help so I asked him to put away the clean dishes. I then continued dashing around in panic mode because, after all, if the house is a mess our friends might think less of us (especially ME.) 😨 A few minutes went…
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In Sickness and In Health
Michelle: Over the course of our married life, we have discovered topics in which we have differing opinions. One such topic is how we respond to being sick. Thankfully, we do not revisit this topic very often but rest assured, it always comes up when one or both of us is sick! Chris: Recently, Michelle woke up with what she described as, “a bit of a scratchy throat”. By lunchtime, it was obvious, she wasn’t feeling well. Later that evening, Michelle was running a fever, coughing and her voice had gone from a sexy Demi Moore voice into more of a Dudley Moore voice. Michelle: While technically, I suppose the symptoms Chris is describing probably would…
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I Can’t Change My Spouse
Be honest. How many of us find ourselves wondering “how much better would my marriage be, if not for the obvious shortcomings of the person I’m married to?” If only I could change my spouse! But the hard truth is, I can’t.
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Dream a Little Dream with Me
“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” Dr. Seuss July 20, 2020. John: What seemed like an ordinary Monday was anything but, all because of the vows we made to each other exactly 29 years prior. As Julie’s brother called to wish us a happy anniversary, he congratulated us and commented that we were “living the dream.” You know what? He was right. (And two years later, we’re still “living the dream.”)
