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The 4 Horsemen
Relationship researcher John Gottman has identified four negative behaviors he calls ‘The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse,’ that spell disaster for relationships. Identifying these Four Horsemen is the first step in being able to replace them with healthier behaviors. Turn The Horse Around KEN: As a “see the glass ½ empty” kind of person, it’s easy for me to be critical of Janine. We not only are different sexes but have different personality types and different ways of doing things. As a perfectionist, I have a tendency toward criticizing little things Janine does. This tendency hasn’t disappeared, but I’ve learned what I’m doing and how it negatively affects Janine and our…
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Speaking In Code
Michelle: When our daughter was four, she got out of the car, walked in the house and promptly asked me what a HUHA was. I wasn’t sure what she meant so I asked her where she had heard it. She said that someone cut them off in traffic and that her daddy yelled out the word. I mumbled something about it meaning a bad driver although I had figured out that it was Head Up His/Her As$. Chris: As Taryn got older, we went from spelling out S-A-N-T-A, to non-verbal cues like head nods towards an item or saying something like, “I bet Santa could bring something like this.” As…
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We Are More Than a Single Story
Michelle: Recently for work, we watched a TED talk titled, “The Danger of a Single Story”. The presenter, a Nigerian author, shared that she left Nigeria as a 19-year-old, to attend a university in the United States. Her roommate knew, before they met, her age and where she was from. When they met for the first time, her surprised roommate asked her where she learned to speak English so well. She responded, “Well, English is the official language of Nigeria.” Her roommate also asked her if she had any recordings of the tribal music that they listen to. The author shared that she tremendously disappointed her roommate when she produced a tape of Mariah Carey. Her roommate had…
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Rewind
Michelle: I find it interesting to hear people say that we are coming out of COVID. Sure, the numbers are down, hospitals are seeing fewer deaths and having more open beds. But, for some of us, we would rather play a game we have created called Rewind. Chris: To understand our game, we need to share why it was created and to explain why it was created, we need to tell you about my brother. David, my brother from another mother was my partner in crime and the guy who was all in! He would give you the shirt off his back or go out in the middle of the night/wee hours…
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In Sickness and In Health
Michelle: Over the course of our married life, we have discovered topics in which we have differing opinions. One such topic is how we respond to being sick. Thankfully, we do not revisit this topic very often but rest assured, it always comes up when one or both of us is sick! Chris: Recently, Michelle woke up with what she described as, “a bit of a scratchy throat”. By lunchtime, it was obvious, she wasn’t feeling well. Later that evening, Michelle was running a fever, coughing and her voice had gone from a sexy Demi Moore voice into more of a Dudley Moore voice. Michelle: While technically, I suppose the symptoms Chris is describing probably would…
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I Can’t Change My Spouse
Be honest. How many of us find ourselves wondering “how much better would my marriage be, if not for the obvious shortcomings of the person I’m married to?” If only I could change my spouse! But the hard truth is, I can’t.
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Marriage Is a Teeter-Totter Ride
If you’ve spent time on a playground before 2004, you’ve probably hopped on a teeter-totter. Marriage is a teeter-totter ride. It can be relaxing, a gentle give and take. Marriage, like a teeter-totter can also be an experience of thrilling highs and the dizzying feeling of dropping low.
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Be Ready
Chris: When I was a kid, I played whatever season’s sport was up. One year during baseball season, the announcer realized that his typical way of calling batting order, player’s last name followed by ‘at bat’, ‘on deck’, or ‘in the hole’, would not be appropriate given my last name (Seaman). In the hole was quickly modified to ‘be ready’. While I may have been momentarily embarrassed by this obvious (and a little funny) change, the idea of ‘being ready’ stuck with me and has been a mantra of sorts for me throughout my life. The first day I met Michelle, I told her I was going to marry her someday. While she…
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Is There Technoference in Your Marriage?
Recently, we read an article and learned a new word – “Technoference.” This word “refers to the interruptions in interpersonal communication caused by attention paid to personal tech devices.” Although we hadn’t heard of this word, we knew instantly that ‘Technoference’ is an issue in our marriage. But Technology Is Useful… Most of the time, using our phones is not a big deal… technology is very useful. We love getting videos or pictures from our family. We couldn’t do our jobs, keep in touch with others, or find our way around a new city without our phones. However… Every once in a while, the phone in front of our spouse’s…
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Help Us Make The Couples Post Better
We’re celebrating 4 years of weekly posts at The Couples Post! Since May 2018, The Couples Post has been posting articles on marriage – sharing experiences and advice for married couples. It’s time for us to find out what you think. Whether you’ve been following us since the beginning, or you just stumbled upon our site recently, we hope you will take 2-3 minutes to send us your feedback. Here’s a link to a 3 minute survey We value your time AND your opinion. Thank you for sharing them both with us.
