-
5 Bite Sized Ways to Become Better
Chris: Human beings are the only species on the planet who believe that we can be better today than we were yesterday. Still, many of us struggle to actually be better. Here are five ways to begin. One: Let Go Of Pre-existing Ideas that Do Not Make Sense to You. My mother-in-law once said that she couldn’t eat pizza unless she had a knife and fork to cut it with. I asked, “Have you ever just picked up a slice and ate it?” She looked disgusted. But, when the pizza came to the table, there were no knives. As we waited for her knife, I said, “Are we really going to waste a perfectly good pizza?” She…
-
You Say Goodbye and I Say Hello
You say good-bye and I say hello (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rblYSKz_VnI) is more than just an old Beatles song. Saying good-bye is rarely easy. Whether it be to a loved one in death, a move to a new city, a child going off to college, or changing jobs, good-byes are almost always painful. How we move through our good-byes can bring us closer to each other or pull us apart.
-
Are We Scrolling by Our Relationship?
The convenience our smartphones provide has come at a cost that we all feel. We see it when we’re out in public, with people staring at their phones rather than paying attention to their loved ones. One way of recognizing the problem with this comes from Drs. John and Julie Gottman – identifying how we make “bids” for attention from our partners. Paying attention to our cell phones makes it likely we’ll miss those bids and end up hurting each other.
-
Happy Thanksgiving!
Happy Thanksgiving from the Couples Post! We hope that however you celebrate with your loved ones that you have a wonderful week. We will return with another post next week.
-
Body Language
John It’s true – actions do speak louder than words. But body language can speak even louder. It’s easier to recognize how our spoken words and active behaviors affect our relationship. Body language is much more subtle than overt actions, but it does not lie. Body language, just like our verbal language, does need to be clarified, especially when it causes hurt. Things like posture, eye contact, and facial expressions can greatly affect the thermostat of our relationship. By being more conscious and intentional about how we express ourselves through our bodies, we can help that thermostat to stay on the warmer, more loving side rather than on the icy,…
-
Opposing Perspectives
We can both be in the same room looking at the same situation but have remarkably different responses to whatever is going on. Our perspective can be clouded by many things. You may think you’ve been kind and loving to your spouse – but later find out that they’re feeling lonely or unloved. Your spouse may think they were respectful to you, but you think they were being patronizing or condescending. When it comes down to “he said, she said”, it’s possible that neither of you is seeing everything clearly. How ‘Bout Some Netflix? One of the classic moments from our marriage that demonstrates this was one evening when Ken thought he’d…
-
Get Real!
How does one describe a Journey without talking about the people who walk with you and influence your passage through life. Fr. Tom Ogg was one such companion and his message to “Get Real!” has been emblazoned on our hearts.
-
Removing the Invisibility Cloak
Chris: When we first moved to Arizona from Oklahoma, I went from an on-site job, to working from home. My being home meant that my “honey-do” list grew, because my wife thought my lack of travel to an office could afford me plenty of time to complete all kinds of projects. Michelle: After a couple of years of living in Arizona, less and less items were being checked off my list. Then, one evening, I came home to find none of my list accomplished. I was frustrated. I remember wondering how he could be home all day and not do any of the items on my list. That evening, we had a conversation that…
-
How Do We Stay Connected When We’re Busy?
“What time are you done working today?” “Why? Is there some place I need to be?” “Well, our son has band practice and all the other drivers in our household are either working or at school, so it’s got to be one of us.” “OK, you take the drop off and I’ll get us ready for the meeting we have to attend…” How many of you have had a conversation like this? It’s a common thing for married people with kids to be pulled in multiple directions and be forced into divide-and-conquer mode. But in the midst of this, how do we stay connected and on the same page as…
-
Just. Do. It.
Julie We just got back from the trip of a lifetime – a safari in Africa. It was an unforgettable experience. The variety of animals we saw, the beautiful landscapes that were so different from ours, the people we encountered, and a taste of the history and culture was something that touched us deeply. But the trip was more than that… It was a celebration of friendship between John and his closest friends. They met on their first day of college years ago and have remained best friends. This was the 60th birthday year for the group and so the plan was hatched about a year and a half ago…
