Summertime Marriage

When you think about summertime, does your mind turn to thoughts of free time, relaxation, fun, and light-heartedness? Marriage can be like summer in all these ways, but it can also go through times muddled by little slights that build to bigger ones, times when we are really at odds with one another, and also times of renewed commitment and hope. These stages are like the seasons of the year in nature.

Summer

Nick: Sometimes our relationship is all summertime and the livin’s easy. We get along well. Our conversations flow easily. There don’t seem to be any worries on the horizon. I really try to savor those times with Jen, because I know there are other seasons of our relationship. The beginning of Summer is usually also a summertime for our relationship, where the level of commitments outside of the family are lower. We get a little downtime together and with the kids. We regroup and sock away a little goodwill in our emotional bank account for a rainy day. Like kids out of school for the Summer, Jen and I wish this good time would never end.

Autumn

Jen: At times our relationship is like Autumn. The temperature starts to change gradually and there are subtle differences in the atmosphere of our marriage. Little slights lead to misunderstandings that start to pile up. Like falling leaves from the trees our actions and words can be misinterpreted and judgments rise. Our trees become less full of the attributes that make them look full and alive. Autumn in our relationship is a time when we look around at the little things that are building up and begin to shelter ourselves for the coming of winter. Easy conversations become less frequent, and we spend more time being quiet around each other. The compliments and openness are still there potentially, but we are squirreling them away instead of sharing them.

Winter

Nick: There are times where our relationship is like the depth of a cold winter. All our reserves are gone and we are just scraping by. At these times, Jen and I will often be off in our own heads and not communicating well with each other. We no longer give each other the benefit of the doubt. We will rely on our vow to each other – “for better or worse.” These moments of ‘worse’ can become all-consuming and we end up feeling hopeless. I have to remember at these deeply low points that this is just another season, and it will pass. There is no magic fix for the winter days. We have to choose to make decisions to be loving, even when we’re not feeling connected.

Spring

Jen: Spring is the season in our marriage when we return to hopefulness. Our love for each other is reborn. As we come out of the cold and storminess of winter through making decisions to love and recognizing the need to re-evaluate, we return to a time for growth and openness to one another. We begin to look for ways to shower each other with cleansing spring rain, like planning a date night or doing little things for each other. Nick and I use this time in our marriage to plant the seeds that will become the sustenance to make our marriage grow stronger. Spring in our marriage is a time to seek ways to build our relationship. We do more than just date each other, we work at getting to know each other better and build the foundation of our marriage.

A Marriage in All Seasons

All marriages go through seasons. Each season has its basic truths, and just like the seasons in nature, there is beauty in each one, even when we are struggling. If we store up the treasures and joy we have built during the spring and summer of our relationship, we will have a better chance of surviving the winter.