Show Me Who Your Friends Are…

Mom frequently told me, “show me who your friends are, and I’ll tell you who you are,” which usually meant, “I don’t like the people you are hanging around with.” Yet we have discovered much wisdom in her words and know firsthand the importance of deep friendships with other married couples. There is much written on the benefits of these friendships: The Benefits of Couple Friends – Prepare/Enrich (prepare-enrich.com). 7 Ways Couple Friends Can Make A Happier Marriage – (salteffect.com). We have come up with a few of our own.

Karen: our couple friends have a positive influence on our relationshipI have a terrible habit of interrupting Scott when he is speaking. Or worse, correcting what he is saying. When we are with our couple friends, I observe how they listen to each other without interrupting. And I find myself wanting to listen to Scott in the same way. Our friends can inspire us, lead by example, and mirror our hopes and dreams for our relationship.

Scott: our couple friends offer our children additional examples of happy marriage
Because our children have grown up around couples with happy, though not perfect marriages, they know that good, long-lasting relationships are real and possible for them. They have experienced through us and through our friends couples who are truly committed to one another. We believe that these role models are instilling in them the knowledge that marriage can indeed go the distance.

Karen: our couple friends give us something to look forward to
Let’s face it. Life can get routine. Kids, schedules, careers, volunteer commitments, household responsibilities, etc. can fill our days with no respite in sight. Having couple friends breaks up the monotony. We might gather for a friendly card game on a Friday night or meet for dinner at a local restaurant. I remember a time when we rotated monthly weeknight dinners with several of our couple friends. We kept them simple and short. It helped us stay connected to each other and kept us balanced during high stress times.

Scott: our couple friends strengthen our faith
We have chosen to surround ourselves with couples that share our faith. As we play and pray with our couple friends our faith grows and is strengthened by their example. We see them call on their faith when times are difficult, and we hope they see us do the same. We see them acknowledging the gift of love that they have received in their spouse and that helps us to see the gift that we have received in each other.

Karen: our couple friends got us through the pandemic
We all remember the social isolation of living through a pandemic. Ours was made a little easier by weekly Zoom Yahtzee games. We made ourselves a drink, grabbed our dice, linked into zoom, and spent an hour or two each week socializing with three other couples. We mostly laughed, sometimes we cried, but all eight of us agree that our friendship certainly got us through the worst days of the pandemic.

Over the course of our married life, we have had many different couple friends. Some we continue to stay in touch with even after forty years. Others have moved away as we have moved away. But coincidentally (or maybe not!) all of our couple friends over the years are still married. To each other. And that, we believe, speaks volumes.

How about you? What benefits do your couple friends bring to your relationship? How might you intentionally nurture such friendships?