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Mistakes Made During Conflict
Chris: Recently, Michelle and I were having a conversation about how we spend our free time. Actually, the argument started when Michelle asked, “What do you want to do this weekend?” It quickly escalated into an argument. Research on couple relationships shows that there are three common mistakes made during an argument. Here’s what it looked like for us. Mistake #1: You Change! It is easy for me to have a long list of what Michelle could and should do differently and a brief list of my own shortcomings. Unfortunately, pointing out Michelle’s flaws does not encourage change. Typically, when I ramble off these to her, she becomes defensive. Michelle: Chris said, “You…
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Ready for a Marriage Check-up?
If someone asks, “How’s your marriage?” how would you answer? It’s hard to give an objective answer. This week, we offer a short quiz you can take to evaluate how things are going in your marriage. Before we can move toward the goal of a better marriage, we need to know where we are currently. Doing this Marriage Check-up exercise helped us take stock of how we were doing. Here’s what we learned… We had a couple areas where Ken’s scores were higher than Janine’s (or vice-versa) – Parenting and Spirituality. We agreed the area where we struggle the most as a couple was Conflict Resolution. This all led to some…
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Into the Weeds Naked
Solving recurring arguments involves setting boundaries, getting the root of the problem with gentleness. Let down your defenses, nurture your relationship and fight naked@
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Verbal Judo – Harmonizing Your Tone of Voice
Some time ago, we wrote about the importance of being aware of the Tone of Voice we use with our spouse. The gist of the post was that our Tone of Voice is the key culprit that begins most disagreements, hurts, and fights between spouses. We want to revisit this important topic and provide some additional helpful hints we’ve learned along the way.
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Uh Oh, I Really Stepped In It Now
It’s inevitable. At some point you’re going to experience that “Oh, crap” moment of realizing you’ve forgotten something important or done something stupid. But fear not – you’re not alone.
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Tis the Season to Ruin Holidays
As we were making plans with my mom, Taryn (our daughter) and her boyfriend, Kris for Thanksgiving, Taryn said, “Mom, remember when you guys ruined Thanksgiving?” Well, we are here to tell you that Thanksgiving was just one of many holidays that we unintentionally ruined for Taryn. While we could probably share every major holiday that was ruined in some way, we selected our top 3. 3. Thanksgiving: When Taryn was five, she was watching Sesame Street as Chris and I were in the kitchen preparing Thanksgiving dinner. She came into the kitchen as Chris was pulling the turkey out of the oven to baste. As he did this he said, “Wow, that’s…
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The 7 Best Things We’ve Done for Our Marriage
Here’s our ‘Short List’ of the 7 best things we’ve done that have had the biggest impact on our marriage… 1. Love Languages The 5 Love Languages – In this book, Dr Gary Chapman explains there are 5 basic love languages and we each have a primary “language.” We might be knocking ourselves out trying to show our spouse we love them, but it doesn’t necessarily translate into him/her feeling loved….IF we’re not speaking THEIR language. When we read this short book together and learned to speak each other’s language, it was a game changer for us. To learn more, read: What Language are you Speaking? 2. Finances Get on the Same Page…
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The Healing Power of Touch
A previous blog explored a super power we all have within us – the Super Power of Affirmation. But did you know that you possess another Super Power? It’s the Healing Power of Touch. Holy Hole in a Doughnut, Batman! Bet you didn’t know you had all that in you!
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Do You Remember the Last Fight You Had?
A number of years ago we heard a presentation that began with this question: “Do you remember the last fight you had?” Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, the presenters that day, Good Fights–some thoughts from Drs Les and Leslie Parrott | ajournalofthejourney (wordpress.com) then gave the audience a few minutes to think about it and quickly share their answers with each other. We vividly remember the fight we shared:
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Does He Buy You Avocados
Chris: Michelle and I have been married for a while and have had our fair share of ups and downs. We have also gone through a lot of things together, some of which tested her patience with me and mine with her. But our marriage is a partnership. One in which I accept the differences between us as well as the little things that can drive me crazy, knowing she will do the same. Michelle: Recently, our twenty-five year old daughter and I were talking. I told her, I had some great new marriage advice: Marry the man that buys you avocados. This may sound like strange advice, but here’s…
