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We Get By With a Little Help From Our Friends
Michelle: When Chris and I met, I had my friends and he had his friends. After we got married, some of my friends became our friends as did some of his. Now, in our more than twenty years together, we have made new friends, most of which we refer to as our friends. Some of our friends have been initiated by him and some have been initiated by me, however, recently, we were hanging out with one of OUR friends. These are friends we met at the same time and just instantly clicked. Chris: We were walking to dinner together, myself by the husband and Michelle standing behind us with…
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You Say Goodbye and I Say Hello
You say good-bye and I say hello (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rblYSKz_VnI) is more than just an old Beatles song. Saying good-bye is rarely easy. Whether it be to a loved one in death, a move to a new city, a child going off to college, or changing jobs, good-byes are almost always painful. How we move through our good-byes can bring us closer to each other or pull us apart.
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Removing the Invisibility Cloak
Chris: When we first moved to Arizona from Oklahoma, I went from an on-site job, to working from home. My being home meant that my “honey-do” list grew, because my wife thought my lack of travel to an office could afford me plenty of time to complete all kinds of projects. Michelle: After a couple of years of living in Arizona, less and less items were being checked off my list. Then, one evening, I came home to find none of my list accomplished. I was frustrated. I remember wondering how he could be home all day and not do any of the items on my list. That evening, we had a conversation that…
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$#*! My Spouse Says
Chris: Because Michelle and I frequently commute from Tucson to Phoenix, we try to find stand-up comedians or funny books to listen to, to help pass the time. Recently, on one of those commutes, we began listening to the book. Sh*t My Dad Says, by Justin Halpern. While, we both heard our own fathers in many of Justin’s examples, we almost simultaneously said, “Wow I bet we could write a post about the $#*! you say.” While we realized we actually had enough material for a book, we are going to limit it to two examples. Michelle: When we were first married, Chris and I liked to ride our bikes…
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Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say
Seriously, Don’t hide the chocolate! Lesson learned: “Say what you mean. Mean what you say.”
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Marriage Wake-Up Calls
Chris: Many couples see the old couple, sitting on the park bench, still holding hands and wonder, how did they stay together after all this time. Michelle and I have thought, “Can we, the middle-aged couple, be an inspiration for someone? Does being married for only a couple of decades count?” While we are unsure of how inspiring we are, we have had a few wake-up calls in our relationship that we will share. The first wake-up call was our unmatched expectations. When we got married, we both brought marriage views based on our imaginations, our parents, movies, society, etc. My mom cooked, cleaned and rarely declined doing something for my dad. When we got…
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Does He Buy You Avocados
Chris: Michelle and I have been married for a while and have had our fair share of ups and downs. We have also gone through a lot of things together, some of which tested her patience with me and mine with her. But our marriage is a partnership. One in which I accept the differences between us as well as the little things that can drive me crazy, knowing she will do the same. Michelle: Recently, our twenty-five year old daughter and I were talking. I told her, I had some great new marriage advice: Marry the man that buys you avocados. This may sound like strange advice, but here’s…
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Why Go It Alone
Michelle: When our daughter was three, she and I were walking out of Target. Before we walked out the door, I asked her to put her coat on. As I was putting my own coat on, I noticed that she was putting her coat on upside down. I bent down to try to help her when she yelled the inevitable three-year-old battle cry, “I can do it myself.” For approximately five minutes, I watched as she wriggled out of the coat, struggled because the sleeves were then inside out, finally getting the coat on correctly and proudly exclaiming, “See, I told you!” How many times have we all struggled, knowing…
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The 4 Horsemen
Relationship researcher John Gottman has identified four negative behaviors he calls ‘The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse,’ that spell disaster for relationships. Identifying these Four Horsemen is the first step in being able to replace them with healthier behaviors. Turn The Horse Around KEN: As a “see the glass ½ empty” kind of person, it’s easy for me to be critical of Janine. We not only are different sexes but have different personality types and different ways of doing things. As a perfectionist, I have a tendency toward criticizing little things Janine does. This tendency hasn’t disappeared, but I’ve learned what I’m doing and how it negatively affects Janine and our…
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Speaking In Code
Michelle: When our daughter was four, she got out of the car, walked in the house and promptly asked me what a HUHA was. I wasn’t sure what she meant so I asked her where she had heard it. She said that someone cut them off in traffic and that her daddy yelled out the word. I mumbled something about it meaning a bad driver although I had figured out that it was Head Up His/Her As$. Chris: As Taryn got older, we went from spelling out S-A-N-T-A, to non-verbal cues like head nods towards an item or saying something like, “I bet Santa could bring something like this.” As…
