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Supporting Your Spouse While Maintaining Individuality
Photo by Alexa Williams When we were dating, supporting each other in our hopes and dreams seemed easy. As we get older, it is more difficult at times to set aside our own individual wants and focus on each other’s desires. We’ve noticed that the times we were strongest as a couple were the very times we set our own desires aside in order to support each other in the ways we each needed most.
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Finding Solid Ground — 7 Steps
Fall ushers in beautiful color, long shadows and cooler weather. Parents and kids thrive with the routine of school. This fall is anything but typical as we grow even more weary of the pandemic. We worry about finances and fret as to whether to send kids to school or stay virtual. With wildfires and hurricanes of epic proportion and a looming election, it seems the social fabric of our country is being ripped to shreds. In these stressful times, how do we find solid ground? Photo Credit: Nik Shuliahin
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Pushing Buttons
Make your own memes at imgflip.com Being married to someone for a long time doesn’t just build a family, it also builds familiarity. You know exactly what buttons you can push with your spouse. It’s like a superpower in a way, and with great power comes great responsibility.
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Can We Have Some Pickles with That Sandwich?
JULIE: It is 7 a.m. and I’m awake before the alarm, mind racing as I go over the mental checklist of what needs to be done today. John is out cold. He is exhausted from the physical and mental demands of the past week of caring for his parents while helping them sort through and pack up a lifetime’s worth of belongings. Now it is moving day, the day they will start their final chapter together in assisted living. The melancholy in the air is stifling.
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I Could Use Some Help!
You may have heard the analogy that men are like waffles, women like spaghetti. Neuroscientists have found that typically the male brain focuses on one thing at a time while females tend to mentally juggle multiple thoughts. For example, when a man is doing the dishes, he’s thinking about…the dishes. When a woman is doing the dishes, she might be thinking about the grocery list, that salad for the picnic on Saturday, the dentist appointment tomorrow, and that she needs to call her parents to see how they’re doing. All this mental and emotional work is invisible, but it can be exhausting.
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The Benefit of the Doubt
Courtesy of Pixabay via Pexels The image of a pebble dropped into a still pond is a powerful one for many people. It is a visual representation of the idea that one small act can have a “ripple effect.” It can spread out and be carried across the water of our life and the lives of those around us further than we may perceive. Giving the benefit of the doubt can be that pebble in your relationship with your spouse.
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Annual Marriage Tune-Up
A number of years ago, some friends of ours told us about a little trick they use to keep their marriage healthy, strong, and vibrant. Every year, they pledge to attend some kind of marriage enrichment event together. According to our friends, this does not mean weekend getaways to the beach, skiing, or going to a bed and breakfast together.
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“Zing-Zing-Zing!”
Google “conversation basics” and 4 of 5 bullets focus on listening. Listening is a vital part of conversation, but Great conversation is a balance of both speaking and listening. Photo Credit: Wynand vanPoortvliet MF: When we were dating, Tom’s ability to talk about anything and everything was very attractive. He is a fabulous storyteller, but sometimes I can’t help but interrupt a long story with an entry line like “Zing-zing-zing!” and then proceed to share a point or clarification.
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Earning a Time Out
Image by cottonbro via Pexels Marriage requires serious accountability to each other in order to last. This is why we are wary of advice to spend time away from each other as if that alone will improve our relationship. Perfectly valid solo activities can be chosen for the wrong reasons, particularly when the reason is avoiding my spouse.
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Dream a Little Dream With Me
“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” Dr. Seuss July 20, 2020. John: What seemed like an ordinary Monday was anything but, all because of the vows we made to each other exactly 29 years prior. As Julie’s brother called to wish us a happy anniversary, he congratulated us and commented that we were “living the dream.” You know what? He was right.
