Walking Down Memory Lane
Chances are, when you met your spouse, you were already adults.
As adults, we are a cumulation of the years we’ve spent living. Our spouse has most likely not known us that entire time. How intrigued are you when you hear stories of your spouse from before you met?
Tinsel and Twinkling Lights
Nick: Growing up, some of my favorite memories were from the Christmas season. We always decorated a tree. I can remember placing tinsel icicles on it one by one with my brother. We used to drag our feet across the carpet to see how far the tinsel would reach out to us to give a little electric shock. The colors of the tree were so mesmerizing to me. I can remember on Christmas Day waking up early in my excitement for the day, so early nobody else was awake. I’d plug the tree lights in and just look at the colors in the dark as they reflected off the tinsel and the presents and the walls of the room.
Opening up to Jen with these kinds of memories gives her some insights into who I am – how I’m both a kid filled with wonder and a nerd at heart. Even when I’m having to wear the role of being a serious grown up, Jen knows some of my tender and nostalgic moments. I think that opens a door to empathy that may not be there otherwise.
Old-Fashioned and Authentic
Jen: Growing up, my grandparents were a big part of my life. Their home was in Vermont and we lived in Las Vegas, so for many years, they spent the warmer months at home and the colder months with us. My experience of having them so close in my teenage years is a big part of who I am, even today. They were old-fashioned, simple and authentic. My grandfather didn’t say much, but when he spoke, you listened. My grandmother showed you love by doing and was never afraid to tell you what she thought. Deeply woven into my memories of my grandparents is their passing, as they both died when I was in my late teenage years.
Opening up to Nick with these kinds of memories gives him some insights into who I am – how I’m both a unique, strong-willed person and a reflection of those who influenced me. Whether we are parenting or interacting socially, Nick’s awareness of these somber and reflective memories also opens a door to empathy.
Making New from Old Memories
Even after 26 years of marriage, we can still share memories that we never have before. With each memory shared, we gain insight into each other, opening doors to empathy and greater intimacy in our relationship.
As you head into the holidays, we encourage you to take time to tell each other stories. Maybe start with a question like, ‘what is one of your favorite memories of the holidays? Sharing more of yourselves with each other is an opportunity to both reminisce and to grow.
