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Verbal Judo – Harmonizing Your Tone of Voice
Some time ago, we wrote about the importance of being aware of the Tone of Voice we use with our spouse. The gist of the post was that our Tone of Voice is the key culprit that begins most disagreements, hurts, and fights between spouses. We want to revisit this important topic and provide some additional helpful hints we’ve learned along the way.
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To Be, or Not To Be…Right?
John For this week’s post, Julie and I thought we would share some insights into an interesting and sometimes puzzling dynamic in our relationship. It all has to do with the idea of “being right.” In the midst of our usually life-giving relationship, the need to “be right” can often get in the way. Worse than that, it can cause breakdowns in our relationship that need to be healed. This is a challenge that we deal with frequently but are striving to manage more effectively.
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How to Resolve Disagreements in Marriage
A few years ago we saw an article with the title: How to Resolve Disagreements in Marriage, by Nina Chen, Ph.D. Here’s what Dr. Chen, a Human Development Specialist, had to say: “There is no perfect marriage. Even happy, healthy marriages involve some conflict from time to time. Conflict is a normal part of sharing life with someone else. The key is to know how to deal with disagreement and conflict in a constructive way. These steps can help: 1. Set a specific time to work on the disagreement It is very important to discuss problems when both spouses can mentally and emotionally prepare. Writing down the problem before discussion…
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Go Anywhere, Do Anything
Chris: Over Memorial Day weekend, Michelle and I went wheeling in Moab, Utah, earning some Jeep badges along the way. We realized that some of the best off-road advice can be applied to our marriage. Here is our top five. Michelle: Number Five-Things will get gnarly. Moab is known for some of the best and trickiest off-road trails. But things can go from a calm day in nature to gnarly, real quick. We have learned that the same is true in our relationship. We have had a lot of smooth adventures in our marriage. But the true test of us comes from how we pull together when life does not…
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Kudos To The Tired Dad
We stumbled upon a remarkable blog post this week. It’s written by a young father whom we’ve never met. He goes by “The Tired Dad” on his blog, and we couldn’t agree more with what he says about being married but tired in this post: The Tired Dad – Marriage in the Trenches. (posted March 13, 2025) What he wrote is completely relatable for us. Here are a few Quotes from The Tired Dad’s post: Kudos to “The Tired Dad” for sharing your experience as encouragement for us all.
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We Don’t Talk about That
What’s the one thing (or things) you and your spouse don’t talk about? Maybe it’s money, in-laws, or sex? Uncomfortable Topics JANINE: Sometimes I avoid talking to Ken about how I spend my time. I want him to see me as responsible and productive. When I’m lazy or judge that I haven’t accomplished enough, I feel guilty and frustrated with myself. I don’t want to talk to Ken about this because I’m scared he might agree with my judgment of myself as being lazy. I cover up my guilt by making excuses. I put up an extra layer of protection by portraying an attitude of ‘I’m tough and have everything under…
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3 Life Lessons From the Movie ‘Wicked’
Michelle: After the Thanksgiving dishes were cleaned and put away, my family and I headed to the movie theater to see the cinematic experience that is Wicked! And, while the film offers an impressive cast, beloved songs and amazing scenes, it was also a treasure chest full of life lessons that were laced throughout the magical world of Oz. If you are unfamiliar with the premise, allow us to briefly set the stage. Wicked is a musical told from the perspective of two witches, Elphaba and Galinda, before and after Dorthy’s arrival in Oz. The movie version of Wicked Part 1, which is essentially a prequel to the Wizard of…
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Knowing and Loving
Back in 1958, a group known as The Teddy Bears recorded the song, “To Know Him is to Love Him.” To Know Him Is To Love Him (youtube.com) It’s kind of a schmaltzy ballad, to be sure, but thinking of the title of the song causes us to wonder: how many of us really know our spouse… really know them…beyond “The Newlywed Game” know them? Do we know their innermost thoughts and feelings, their joys and sorrows, griefs and anxieties, hopes and dreams? The Journal Karen: Many years ago, my parents gave me a diary for my 12th birthday. I filled that little book with all the typical adolescent girl…
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Big Challenges, Big Rewards
John How often do you as husband and wife take on challenging tasks together? What has been your experience when you do? Julie and I recently took on organizing a regional Worldwide Marriage Encounter convention for over three hundred people in a city a couple of hours away. We knew going in that this was going to be stressful, tiring, complicated, and a big challenge, especially as it would be bilingual (which we are not) and include a Children’s Program. It would push our limits of confidence and abilities as individuals and as a couple. We also believed that it could be an opportunity for big rewards – to grow…
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The Rituals of Connection
Wikipedia defines rituals as a sequence of activities involving gestures, words, actions or objects of importance. It goes on to say that rituals forge bonds and help people turn towards one another because they are deeply rooted in a sense of predictability which lowers fear, provides comfort and can lower stress. The Counseling & Wellness Center of Pittsburgh defines a ritual of connection as specific times of interaction both informal and formal, that help couples come together, build intimacy, deepen their connection and create shared meaning in their relationship. They go on to say that these rituals are important in creating a healthy sense of anticipation, expectation and oneness in the relationship. Michelle…
