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What is the Secret to a Happy Marriage?
Most people don’t start out in marriage thinking “This could be fun for a while, but once it’s not I’ll move on.” When you get married it’s exciting and romantic and fun and interesting. But no marriage is free from challenges and disagreements. There is no magic finish line where there are no challenges in our marriage. The temptation to think such a place exists is one of the biggest dangers of all, because it sets you up for failure.
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Our “One of a Kind” Marriage
Our marriage is one of a kind. While we’re two people who have come from different places, we put together our past and present influences to become something new. Looking Inside My Family of Origin Jen: Family of origin has had a strong influence on our marriage. My parents stayed married throughout my childhood. I saw elements of disharmony, but since my parents were still together, I brushed off any worry. When I was in college, my parents divorced. The disharmony had gotten worse over time, and I figured this must be the natural progression of marriage. I met Nick not long after my parents split, and we got serious…
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Fair is Not Necessarily Equal
A classic line out of any child’s mouth is “It’s not fair!” Children use this line to cover everything from chores to birthday parties to bedtimes. It’s a comparison game, but in the end, fair isn’t necessarily equal.
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Walking Down Memory Lane
Chances are, when you met your spouse, you were already adults. As adults, we are a cumulation of the years we’ve spent living. Our spouse has most likely not known us that entire time. How intrigued are you when you hear stories of your spouse from before you met?
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Are We Broken?
When we are in the middle of a disagreement or are disconnected from one another, we may look around us and only see people doing marriage better than we do it. But no relationship is perfect and every relationship has its struggles. In all likelihood we are broken, but not any more broken than others.
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Us Against the World
Marriage is not a 50 / 50 proposition. The weight of responsibility in marriage will vary unevenly between husband and wife from day to day. But what do we do when the load is not balanced for a long time or when we both don’t have much left to give each other?
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More Than a Piece of Paper
A person once said to us (rather cynically), “Marriage is just a piece of paper.” We disagree. Marriage is about two people creating a life together. A marriage doesn’t just touch the two people in it. It touches their families, their friends, their co-workers, and their children. We have to keep our ‘piece of paper’ intact for the sake of the two of us, but also for the world around us.
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Taking the Easy Road
Marriage is hard work. Sometimes we make it harder than it needs to be. That’s why this week, we’re going to suggest a way to take the easy road.
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Dear Younger Us
You don’t have to be married long before you look back at your dating days and reminisce. We got married at the ripe young age of 23 and had our first baby shortly thereafter. Our lives changed dramatically in a short time. Looking back, we don’t regret jumping into family life with both feet, but it’s fun to imagine now what we might have to say to us back then.
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Remember When…
It’s easy to get lost in our day-to-day. Once we’re out of the honeymoon phase of marriage and real life settles in, we develop routines and patterns of behavior. We become consumed by the here and now, and sometimes we can lose sight of the excitement and passion that brought us together and inspired us to get married in the first place.