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Competition vs Unity in Marriage
Are you in competition with your spouse or do you see yourselves as a unified team? Although we don’t consciously think about being in competition with our spouse, our individual interests can sometimes fester into competition. Even little things like who’s turn it is to unload the dishwasher can become a source of irritation. When we compete with each other to get our own way, we both end up getting less and feeling hurt or unloved. When I prioritize “me” over “we,” we clash. Making decisions focused on “we” instead of “me” brings unity AND actually makes both of us happier. If we both give up some control to come…
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Advice From My Future Self
Stop… for just a minute or two. Think of yourself 20 years older than you are now. What advice would the “future you” give you? If “you” could do it all over again, what would “you” have done differently? A Different Angle Ken: Perspective is everything. I know there are a lot of things I’d do differently if I could go back in time. But what about my current life… what wisdom from the future could help me see things differently now? One of my challenges is worrying about the future: where will we be, what will we be doing, when will we retire? I think One thing my future…
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Choose Your Hard
“Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. Choose your hard. Obesity is hard. Being fit is hard. Choose your hard. Being in debt is hard. Being financially disciplined is hard. Choose your hard. Communication is hard. Not communicating is hard. Choose your hard. Life will never be easy. It will always be hard. But we can choose our hard. Choose wisely.” – Unknown Marriage Enrichment? Really? Is your marriage one of the most important gifts you have? If a friend told you, “My wife and I went to a marriage class,” would you say, ‘Oh no. Are you two having trouble?’ Or, would you say ‘How was it? We’ve been wanting to do something like…
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Making Up is Hard to Do
If you’re married, you’ve experienced conflict with your spouse. It’s inevitable in any relationship. Usually, this happens unintentionally – often over the littlest things. Most conflicts are a result of unmet expectations: I expected “this”, but “that” happened. One, or both of us, ends up feeling disrespected or hurt. Tensions Are Triggers Janine: Years ago, we were expecting company, and I was scurrying around tidying up. Ken asked what he could do to help so I asked him to put away the clean dishes. I then continued dashing around in panic mode because, after all, if the house is a mess our friends might think less of us (especially ME.) 😨 A few minutes went…
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Who Wants More Sex?
In pretty much every marriage, there’s one spouse who has a stronger sex drive than the other… Our Journey Ken: Typically, it’s us men who are more interested in sex: that’s how it is for me. I remember attending a marriage conference long ago where a woman raised her hand to ask a question. She explained that SHE wanted to make love more often than her husband, and this was a struggle for them. I couldn’t believe it. I wondered what it would be like to be married to a woman who wanted more sex. Janine: For years, I just didn’t understand why sex was such a big deal. Once…
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Is There Technoference in Your Marriage?
Recently, we read an article and learned a new word – “Technoference.” This word “refers to the interruptions in interpersonal communication caused by attention paid to personal tech devices.” Although we hadn’t heard of this word, we knew instantly that ‘Technoference’ is an issue in our marriage. But Technology Is Useful… Most of the time, using our phones is not a big deal… technology is very useful. We love getting videos or pictures from our family. We couldn’t do our jobs, keep in touch with others, or find our way around a new city without our phones. However… Every once in a while, the phone in front of our spouse’s…
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Help Us Make The Couples Post Better
We’re celebrating 4 years of weekly posts at The Couples Post! Since May 2018, The Couples Post has been posting articles on marriage – sharing experiences and advice for married couples. It’s time for us to find out what you think. Whether you’ve been following us since the beginning, or you just stumbled upon our site recently, we hope you will take 2-3 minutes to send us your feedback. Here’s a link to a 3 minute survey We value your time AND your opinion. Thank you for sharing them both with us.
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7 Tips to Improve Your Sex Life
Want to improve your sex life? Don’t underestimate how important your sex life is to health of your marriage. This week we’re re-posting one of our popular posts from July 2019 on this little-talked-about topic. Here are 7 tips to improve your sex life…. 1. Spice it up Be a flirt. Read a good book on sex for married couples. Plan in a little “variety”. Text your spouse or leave them a note to let them know you can’t wait to be alone together. 2. Share the Same Bedtime It’s a rule we made when we got married: we go to bed together each night. I (Janine) am a night owl. Ken gets up…
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Peeling the Onion of Intimacy in Marriage
Do you feel disconnected or lonely in your marriage? Let’s talk about Peeling the Onion of Emotional Intimacy.
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4 Steps to Resolve Disagreements in Marriage
This week we decided to share something we clipped out of a newspaper a few years ago with the title: How to Resolve Disagreements in Marriage, by Nina Chen, Ph.D. A quick google search led us to the online version here: http://missourifamilies.org/features/divorcearticles/divorcefeature45.htm Here’s what Dr. Chen, a Human Development Specialist with the University of Missouri Extension, has to say: “There is no perfect marriage. Even happy, healthy marriages involve some conflict from time to time. Conflict is a normal part of sharing life with someone else. The key is to know how to deal with disagreement and conflict in a constructive way. These steps can help: 1. Set a specific…
