7 Tips to Improve Your Sex Life

Want to improve your sex life?

Don’t underestimate how important your sex life is to health of your marriage. This week we’re re-posting one of our popular posts from July 2019 on this little-talked-about topic. 

Here are 7 tips to improve your sex life….

1. Spice it up

Be a flirt. Read a good book on sex for married couples. Plan in a little “variety”. Text your spouse or leave them a note to let them know you can’t wait to be alone together.

2. Share the Same Bedtime

It’s a rule we made when we got married: we go to bed together each night. I (Janine) am a night owl. Ken gets up early for work – he’s a morning person. For the sake of our relationship, I made the decision to let go of some of those unfinished tasks and get to bed earlier. If you aren’t physically in bed together (awake…) then the chances of intimate encounters go WAY down. Bedtime is also a great time to chat, snuggle, and just be close.

3. Microwaves and Crockpots

Men are typically “rapid responders” (like microwaves) and women take time to “warm up” (like crock pots). As I (Ken) learned to slow down and focus on Janine, I became aware just how important foreplay is. As a result, our lovemaking became more mutual, passionate, and fulfilling.

4. Connect – Not Just in the Bedroom

For most women, sexuality is not something that can be compartmentalized.  If her husband has shown that he cares about her by being emotionally connected throughout the day, most women are more likely to be ‘in the mood’ for sex.

5. Kid Free

We made it a priority for our kids to sleep in their own room at night. They knew they were welcome to come into our room in the morning.  Establishing this family ‘rule’ was one way we kept our physical intimacy a priority.

6. Avoid Pornography

Pornography has a detrimental effect on your Sex Life. Though it may not seem like a big deal to “use a little porn”, it can easily lead to serious addiction. It creates emotional detachment during sex, and detachment from the relationship as a whole. This is dangerous for any marriage. Here’s a link to one of many good articles on this topic: Is Pornography Destroying your Marriage?   

7. Talk about it

It may be uncomfortable to talk about sex, but we encourage you to bite the bullet and just talk about it.  Reading Dr. Kevin Leman’s book, Sheet Music (together) helped us open the lines of communication in this touchy area (pun intended). Our friends also recommended the book: Hot, Holy, and Humorous by J. Parker.

Here’s a question to get you started: “What’s one of my favorite memories of a time when we made love?”

And… here’s a link to 25 more conversation starter questions about sex…

Enjoy!!!