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Marriage ScoreCard
Photo Credit: Steve Halama You may have heard marriage described as a 50/50 proposition with each partner contributing 50% to equal the presumed goal of 100%. While marriage is not a game, it is common to judge our effort like contestants in a competition.
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What Happened to Our Passion?
Do you find yourself wondering, “What happened to us?!?!” At some point, we all do. We long for those days when we were dating and first married. We were full of passion for each other and so in love. Our lovemaking was frequent and passionate. It seemed we couldn’t get enough of each other. How did we get to a place where we were rubbing together like sandpaper, each doing our own thing?
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Advice From a Divorce Lawyer
Yes, this is a strange twist. We recently heard about James J Sexton’s book,“If You’re in My Office, It’s Already Too Late.” James is a divorce attorney from New York, who started noticing some patterns after 20 years of working with couples whose marriages were ending.
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Talk to Me
Ken: When we were dating, it seemed we could talk all night, and sometimes we did. During our engagement, there was so much to talk and dream about together…our future, a home, kids, jobs, adventures. Janine: I remember the 10 hour road trip we took so I could meet Ken’s Mom for the first time. All the way there and back, we talked and talked. Fast forward about 5 or 6 years though, and I remember sitting in a restaurant, just the two of us, with nothing to say to each other. Silence. Ken: Do most of your conversations center around the kids or problems at work or the honey-do…
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Is It Wrong To Feel This Way?
Have you ever felt a certain way and felt guilty about it? Before condemning ourselves, we have to acknowledge one thing: feelings are neither right nor wrong. Feelings have no morality, they just happen spontaneously, like a sneeze. If I feel angry or jealous or whatever, having the feeling is not the problem. It’s what I choose to do with the feeling (my actions) that can be right or wrong.
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There’s An App For That!
I (Janine) am a list person. I especially like the satisfaction that comes from checking things off my list. It used to drive me bonkers when Ken would add HIS items to My list. Or worse, if I had a grocery list started and he would add something like “Christmas lights” to the grocery list. What is THAT?!?! Does that mean we need to buy Christmas lights, or does it mean we need to put up the Christmas lights? Either way, it certainly doesn’t go on the grocery list. It goes on the To-Do list.
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Money Matters
When we were newly married, Paul asked me if I would mind if he took care of paying all our bills. I literally said, “Oh thank God!” I felt relieved I wasn’t responsible for making sure our rent, utilities, and car payments were paid. I also felt secure knowing that part of our monthly income would be put aside as savings for retirement and buying a house.
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What Language are You Speaking?
We’ve all been there…We’re doing or saying something to show our spouse we love them, and they don’t even notice!
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What is Sexy?
We have been married for over 24 years and our attraction to each other is as strong as ever. So, we asked ourselves what has been our secret to lasting passion in our marriage? Sex appeal can be very subjective. What is sexy to one is not to another. How do we navigate these preferences within our marriage? What can we do to make sure our marital sexual relationship is filled with blazing passion that lasts? If you are on the edge of your seat waiting for the answer, you are in for a treat.
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Slamming Cupboard Doors
I used to slam cupboard doors. Ken would ask, “Is something wrong?” and many times I would honestly not know the answer to his question. I’m embarrassed to admit I was SO unaware of my own emotions. I didn’t know myself well enough to be able to understand what was going on inside of me.
