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Opposing Perspectives
We can both be in the same room looking at the same situation but have remarkably different responses to whatever is going on. Our perspective can be clouded by many things. You may think you’ve been kind and loving to your spouse – but later find out that they’re feeling lonely or unloved. Your spouse may think they were respectful to you, but you think they were being patronizing or condescending. When it comes down to “he said, she said”, it’s possible that neither of you is seeing everything clearly. How ‘Bout Some Netflix? One of the classic moments from our marriage that demonstrates this was one evening when Ken thought he’d…
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Married Singles
Why do married couples gradually (and unknowingly) drift toward finding fulfillment outside our marriage, rather than within our marriage? In one of his popular YouTube videos, entitled, “Wanting to Fix People,” Fr. Mike Schmitz talks about how husbands or wives might see something in their spouse that they dislike. Gradually this annoying behavior or characteristic can lead a spouse to look for fulfillment from someTHING else. Instead of my spouse being my one legitimate source of fulfillment, I’m going to replace them with ___________. You might fill in that blank with any number of things, such as: romance novels, TV binging, spending time with the kids, hunting, sports, emotional intimacy with a…
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Money Talk
Julie: 2023 has been the most expensive year we’ve ever had. Even more than when we had a couple of kids in college at the same time. We’ve known it was coming, and, fortunately, we’ve prepared for most of it. In a 12-month period, we will have funded the following: Wedding (groom’s side, so whew!) New roof on the house Replacing siding, shutters, gutters on same house A car Bats in the attic (AGAIN! Even after replacing the roof and siding! Sigh. At least the ants are gone. Click Going to Bat for Your Spouse for more on that.) A deck, which is ready to be condemned Landscaping, which will…
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Is “Being Right” Really Right?
John: “Being right” is a quality that I find irresistible. I often feel compelled to establish my “rightness” about something, even when I have that small voice of conscience telling me that adopting that attitude can be hurtful to Julie and our relationship. This can crop up in small everyday little things, like the best route to take on a local drive, or bigger things, like how to handle a difficult situation with a family member or friend. “I’m right,” whether spoken outright or evidenced by my behavior, has caused a lot of dissent in our relationship over the years.
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Opposites Don’t Attract — They Attack
Let’s debunk the myth that “Opposites attract” once and for all. We are attracted to our spouse because they complement us. They bring completeness to our lives. In a relationship completeness is more than finding the missing piece to a puzzle. When the puzzle is done, it’s satisfying, but no longer fun and interesting.
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Post-Holidays – Blues or Bliss?🎄📦
The holidays have come and gone. As we’re taking down lights and packing away decorations, we thought we’d take a little time to reflect on how our different attitudes in the post-holiday season impact our relationship.
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We Are More Than a Single Story
Michelle: Recently for work, we watched a TED talk titled, “The Danger of a Single Story”. The presenter, a Nigerian author, shared that she left Nigeria as a 19-year-old, to attend a university in the United States. Her roommate knew, before they met, her age and where she was from. When they met for the first time, her surprised roommate asked her where she learned to speak English so well. She responded, “Well, English is the official language of Nigeria.” Her roommate also asked her if she had any recordings of the tribal music that they listen to. The author shared that she tremendously disappointed her roommate when she produced a tape of Mariah Carey. Her roommate had…
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Holiday Traditions
‘Tis the holiday season, full of hope, joy, and expectation. For many of us, it’s the perfect time of year to have expectations clash with reality and make little grinches of all of us. No! There must be a way to see Christmas is coming. With Jen in her kerchief and Nick in his cap, we soon settle down for a short jaunt into… holiday traditions.
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You Don’t Bring Me Flowers 💐
There’s an old Barbara Streisand / Neil Diamond song “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers” that sometimes hops to mind when we’re in a rough patch or we see other couples we know in a rough spot. Who would know how much a simple gift can impact your relationship as a couple? But beware! Even bringing flowers home can be more complicated than you’d expect.
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I Can’t Change My Spouse
Be honest. How many of us find ourselves wondering “how much better would my marriage be, if not for the obvious shortcomings of the person I’m married to?” If only I could change my spouse! But the hard truth is, I can’t.
