Money Talk

Julie:

2023 has been the most expensive year we’ve ever had.  Even more than when we had a couple of kids in college at the same time.  We’ve known it was coming, and, fortunately, we’ve prepared for most of it.  In a 12-month period, we will have funded the following:

Wedding (groom’s side, so whew!)

New roof on the house

Replacing siding, shutters, gutters on same house

A car

Bats in the attic (AGAIN!  Even after replacing the roof and siding!  Sigh.  At least the ants are gone. Click Going to Bat for Your Spouse for more on that.)

A deck, which is ready to be condemned

Landscaping, which will have to be replaced after the deck is torn out…

Wow.  $$$$!  It’s enough to make your head spin!  Next time, maybe we’ll just get a whole new house.

John:

One area that I generally avoid talking about is the area of our finances.  Julie does the vast majority of the work managing the finances for our household. In the past, I avoided talking about this area because I judged that I was more ignorant about this subject than I should be and did not play an adequate role in helping Julie.  I also feared that if I were to suddenly dive into it deeply, she might think I don’t trust her.  But with a slew of big-ticket items to deal with, we’ve talked more about finances in the past year than in the previous 31 combined.  In order to do this, I had to let go of my judgments and fears and get up to speed on our financials. 

Julie

I have avoided talking about our finances because I don’t want John to think I’m not savvy enough to manage them. I’m afraid I’ll have to explain why we don’t have more money put away.  I usually handle the day-to-day and month-to-month expenses, routinely clipping coupons and searching for the best deals.  We’ve talked about big-ticket items in the past, but I would always breathe a sigh of relief once the decision was made and we didn’t have to revisit the subject for a while. 

This past year has forced us to take a close look at not only our finances, but how we make joint financial decisions.   A survey by Ramsey Solutions (“Money and Marriage: 7 Tips for a Healthy Relationship” ) shows that couples in happy marriages talk about money daily or weekly (54%) compared to those who said their marriage was just “okay” or in crisis (29%).  We have found that when we sit down and present our feelings first and then discuss the facts in a respectful way, we’ve been able to navigate through this myriad of financial decisions.  I feel more confident in myself and our financial future, and we’ve walked away from it even stronger TOGETHER. 

John:

Turns out this was all a dress rehearsal.  Everything came to a head a few weeks ago when I received a voluntary separation opportunity at work.  I was only given two weeks to give the company my answer.  Not only did this force me to do a lot of soul searching (Hold the phone – I’m not old enough or ready to retire – or am I?), but it forced US to really take stock of where WE were emotionally and financially with this major life decision no longer right around the corner – it was right here, right now. 

In the end, I did not take the voluntary separation.  After our many long conversations about the facts and our feelings, we decided that was the best decision for US.  Now that we’ve had these financial discussions and we can see that we’re stronger as a couple because of it, we have committed to doing this on a regular basis.

Do you have a big financial decision coming up?  Or even a small one?  We encourage you to take a look at WHY you avoid talking about money and then work together to set a common goal.  You and your checking account will be glad you did!