The Couples Post

Support for married couples, by married couples.

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  • About
  • Date Night Ideas
  • 50 Ways to Love Your Lover

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  • 20 Ways to Become a More Patient Spouse this Week
  • 25 Conversation Starter Questions on Sexuality
  • 50 Questions to ask your spouse besides “How was your day?”
  • 50 Ways to Engage Kids on a Budget
  • 50 Ways to Love Your Lover
  • About
  • At Home Dating
  • BAILEY’S TREE
  • Barriers to Forgiveness and Healing
  • Confronting for the Sake of Our Relationship
  • Conversation Starters
  • Date Night Ideas
  • Dialogue
  • Double Chocolate Brownies
  • Emotional Bank Account
  • Feelings Reflect Who I am as a Unique Individual
  • Four Basic Psychological Needs
  • How to Foster Teamwork – A Starter List
  • In Memory of Fr. Tom Ogg
  • Let’s Talk about Sex
  • Making Decisions as a Couple – 10 Steps
  • Marriage Check-up Exercise
  • Our Family Commandments
  • Phones at the Dinner Table Discussion Questions
  • Privacy Policy
  • Re-Evaluation
  • Stress vs. Burnout and Depression
  • The Power of Positive: Examples of Converting Negatives about our Relationship to Positives
  • There’s Always Something More to Talk About
  • Worldwide Marriage Encounter Experience
  • Writing a Focused Love Letter
  • Communication,  Conflict,  Decision to Love

    Anger, Over the Top

    July 15, 2019 / 1 Comment

    Photo Credit: Birgit Lengert We all know anger when we see it  — a clenched fist, a raised voice, a sullen look.  Anger can quickly surface and is readily expressed, but often it is a cover up for underlying feelings: 

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    Tom and Mary Frances

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    Stale Crackers

    November 2, 2020

    8 Ideas to Help Settle Disagreements in Marriage

    October 19, 2020

    I Will ROMANCE You Every Day of My Life

    July 25, 2018
  • Communication,  Conflict,  Decision to Love,  Relatives

    Words – The Seeds of Life in Marriage

    July 1, 2019 / No Comments

    Paul: Until recently, I figured it was fine for me to say whatever was on my mind as that meant I was being truthful and authentic with Stephanie. Then it dawned on me that some of those words are hurtful and have the potential to wound her.

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    Paul and Stephanie

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    We Don’t Talk about That

    February 3, 2025

    Finding Solid Ground — 7 Steps

    September 29, 2020

    The Healing Power of Touch

    July 22, 2024
  • Communication,  Conflict,  Decision to Love

    Tidying Up Your Marriage KonMari Style

    June 10, 2019 / No Comments

    Photo Credit: Jimmy Ofisia MF:  One rainy spring weekend we came to a new insight about clutter and our marriage  as we set out to deep clean some closets and cabinets.  “A good weekend to KonMari,” I told Tom.  To which he replied “Kon-what?”  “Time to tidy-up and de-clutter.  Bring on the Joy!”

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    Tom and Mary Frances

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    Removing the Invisibility Cloak

    October 23, 2023

    5 Reasons You Need a Getaway Without Kids

    January 8, 2024

    Just Go To Bed

    March 11, 2024
  • Communication,  Decision to Love,  Finances,  Forgiveness,  Sex

    The 7 Best Things We’ve Done for Our Marriage

    June 3, 2019 / No Comments

    Here’s our ‘Short List’ of the things that have had the biggest impact on our marriage. 1. The 5 Love Languages – In this book, Dr Gary Chapman explains there are 5 basic love languages and we each have a primary “language.”  We might be knocking ourselves out trying to show our spouse we love them,

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    Ken and Janine

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    being right

    To Be, or Not To Be…Right?

    September 8, 2025

    Marriage is a Minefield

    May 22, 2022

    There’s An App For That!

    November 19, 2018
  • Communication,  Decision to Love,  Time

    Married Singles

    May 6, 2019 / No Comments

    How do you find the right balance of couple time versus individual time? Sports, times with friends/co-workers, Facebook/Pinterest, hunting….  There are a lot of fun activities that can keep us busy – and distracted.  None of these activities are bad or wrong in themselves.  But… do they draw us slowly away from our spouse?

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    Ken and Janine

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    Love’s Sweet Spot

    March 9, 2020

    What Happened to the Person I Married?

    January 20, 2020

    How We Saved Our Failing Marriage

    September 9, 2019
  • Communication,  Conflict,  Decision to Love

    Marriage ScoreCard

    April 8, 2019 / 2 Comments

    Photo Credit: Steve Halama You may have heard marriage described as a 50/50 proposition with each partner contributing 50% to equal the presumed goal of 100%.  While marriage is not a game, it is common to judge our effort like contestants in a competition.

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    Tom and Mary Frances

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    Finding Peace

    August 30, 2026

    Taking the Easy Road

    June 7, 2021

    I Can’t Change My Spouse

    August 7, 2022
  • Communication,  Decision to Love

    What Happened to Our Passion?

    April 1, 2019 / No Comments

    Do you find yourself wondering, “What happened to us?!?!”  At some point, we all do.  We long for those days when we were dating and first married.  We were full of passion for each other and so in love.  Our lovemaking was frequent and passionate.  It seemed we couldn’t get enough of each other.  How did we get to a place where we were rubbing together like sandpaper, each doing our own thing?

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    Ken and Janine

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    I Can’t Change My Spouse

    August 7, 2022

    Does He Buy You Avocados

    June 19, 2023
    Total eclipse of the heart

    Total Eclipse of the Heart

    April 15, 2024
  • Communication,  Differences,  Making Decisions

    Marriage is a VERB

    March 11, 2019 / 1 Comment

    Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb.  It isn’t something you get.  It’s something you do.  It’s the way you love your partner every day.”

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    Tom and Mary Frances

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    Stones perfectly balanced against a background of the ocean

    Us Against the World

    August 22, 2021

    Scorekeeping in Marriage

    December 8, 2019
    4 horsemen

    The 4 Horsemen

    March 13, 2023
  • Communication,  Conflict,  Decision to Love

    Advice From a Divorce Lawyer

    March 4, 2019 / 1 Comment

    Yes, this is a strange twist.  We recently heard about James J Sexton’s book,“If You’re in My Office, It’s Already Too Late.”  James is a divorce attorney from New York, who started noticing some patterns after 20 years of working with couples whose marriages were ending.

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    Ken and Janine

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    The Healing Power of Touch

    July 22, 2024

    Talk to Me

    February 4, 2019
    writing a letter about what I love about you Just. Do. It.

    Just. Do. It.

    October 9, 2023
  • Decision to Love,  Romance,  Sex

    The Secret Recipe of Intimacy

    February 11, 2019 / No Comments

    Photo Credit: Soroush Karimi In our last post we hinted at the complexity of intimacy, especially in the context of forgiveness and healing (1/13/19).  Intimacy involves more than sex.  In fact sex can sometimes be anything but intimate. Many authors and psychologists speak of at least 4 components to deep and sustained intimacy.  They often include emotional, intellectual, spiritual and physical intimacy.  We like to think of this as the ‘Secret Recipe.’ To achieve this Intimacy we both need to desire and be willing to work towards intimacy.

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    Tom and Mary Frances

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    Making Up is Hard to Do

    June 21, 2018
    Spring cleaning

    Spring Cleaning

    March 31, 2025

    What Happened to Our Passion?

    April 1, 2019
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