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Words – The Seeds of Life in Marriage
Paul: Until recently, I figured it was fine for me to say whatever was on my mind as that meant I was being truthful and authentic with Stephanie. Then it dawned on me that some of those words are hurtful and have the potential to wound her.
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Phones at the Dinner Table
While out to dinner recently we had a misunderstanding near the end of the meal. I (Mel) was looking up information on my phone and showing it to Mark. He was clearly disinterested, and I felt puzzled.
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Tidying Up Your Marriage KonMari Style
Photo Credit: Jimmy Ofisia MF: One rainy spring weekend we came to a new insight about clutter and our marriage as we set out to deep clean some closets and cabinets. “A good weekend to KonMari,” I told Tom. To which he replied “Kon-what?” “Time to tidy-up and de-clutter. Bring on the Joy!”
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Hurtful Attitudes in Marriage
Last weekend we stumbled across something that made us stop and re-evaluate our attitude. Sometimes our attitude comes across as a superiority – like when we believe we possess qualities or traits that our spouse doesn’t and become condescending – and this hurts our relationship. By “qualities” and “traits” we mean things such as: generosity, patience, understanding, compassion. Perhaps a couple of examples would help.
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Marriage ScoreCard
Photo Credit: Steve Halama You may have heard marriage described as a 50/50 proposition with each partner contributing 50% to equal the presumed goal of 100%. While marriage is not a game, it is common to judge our effort like contestants in a competition.
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Advice From a Divorce Lawyer
Yes, this is a strange twist. We recently heard about James J Sexton’s book,“If You’re in My Office, It’s Already Too Late.” James is a divorce attorney from New York, who started noticing some patterns after 20 years of working with couples whose marriages were ending.
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Lovemaking in the Context of Healing
A wonderful aspect of our lovemaking is the emotional bonding that is such a gift to our relationship. This intimate bonding can enable healing after conflict and even in the midst of conflict. Lovemaking can be like a dance, one may pursue while the other hesitates. Often I find lovemaking opens me to intimacy while Mary Frances finds she needs to experience intimacy to be open to lovemaking. The “dance” is meeting enough in the middle that this mystery can continue to enrich our marriage.
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Is It Wrong To Feel This Way?
Have you ever felt a certain way and felt guilty about it? Before condemning ourselves, we have to acknowledge one thing: feelings are neither right nor wrong. Feelings have no morality, they just happen spontaneously, like a sneeze. If I feel angry or jealous or whatever, having the feeling is not the problem. It’s what I choose to do with the feeling (my actions) that can be right or wrong.
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Arguing is Not the Enemy!
Have you ever heard a couple say, “We never argue”? They have perfected the “Yes, Dear,” and the rest of us just roll our eyes.
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Money Matters
When we were newly married, Paul asked me if I would mind if he took care of paying all our bills. I literally said, “Oh thank God!” I felt relieved I wasn’t responsible for making sure our rent, utilities, and car payments were paid. I also felt secure knowing that part of our monthly income would be put aside as savings for retirement and buying a house.
