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Teamwork
We received a request to share on the topic of teamwork. Good topic! Every marriage is based in teamwork – we chose our partner to team up with in life. Like most marriages, we have had times when we pull together in the same direction and times when we are fighting against each other. Over the years, we have found ways to maximize working TOGETHER as a team.
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The Secret Recipe of Intimacy
Photo Credit: Soroush Karimi In our last post we hinted at the complexity of intimacy, especially in the context of forgiveness and healing (1/13/19). Intimacy involves more than sex. In fact sex can sometimes be anything but intimate. Many authors and psychologists speak of at least 4 components to deep and sustained intimacy. They often include emotional, intellectual, spiritual and physical intimacy. We like to think of this as the ‘Secret Recipe.’ To achieve this Intimacy we both need to desire and be willing to work towards intimacy.
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Talk to Me
Ken: When we were dating, it seemed we could talk all night, and sometimes we did. During our engagement, there was so much to talk and dream about together…our future, a home, kids, jobs, adventures. Janine: I remember the 10 hour road trip we took so I could meet Ken’s Mom for the first time. All the way there and back, we talked and talked. Fast forward about 5 or 6 years though, and I remember sitting in a restaurant, just the two of us, with nothing to say to each other. Silence. Ken: Do most of your conversations center around the kids or problems at work or the honey-do…
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Play’s The Thing!
Paul: Anyone who knows us, knows that we’re not going to go down in history for our sense of spontaneity and silliness. We’re serious people. But some years ago good friends of ours encouraged us to take a break from the consistent seriousness and make time for play. They said playfulness in our marriage can help us keep some perspective when the trials of daily life get us down.
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Good Grief
Learning how to grieve as a couple has been a process. Ten years ago, we stumbled through intense grief together for the first time when Mel’s Dad died. Together we learned to navigate the memories, tears, and the occasional meltdown.
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Lovemaking in the Context of Healing
A wonderful aspect of our lovemaking is the emotional bonding that is such a gift to our relationship. This intimate bonding can enable healing after conflict and even in the midst of conflict. Lovemaking can be like a dance, one may pursue while the other hesitates. Often I find lovemaking opens me to intimacy while Mary Frances finds she needs to experience intimacy to be open to lovemaking. The “dance” is meeting enough in the middle that this mystery can continue to enrich our marriage.
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Is It Wrong To Feel This Way?
Have you ever felt a certain way and felt guilty about it? Before condemning ourselves, we have to acknowledge one thing: feelings are neither right nor wrong. Feelings have no morality, they just happen spontaneously, like a sneeze. If I feel angry or jealous or whatever, having the feeling is not the problem. It’s what I choose to do with the feeling (my actions) that can be right or wrong.
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Relationship Resolutions
Photo by Jared Sluyter Paul: I dread New Year’s Resolutions. I stopped making them a while back because I would fall off the wagon and then figured, what’s the point? It got me thinking that maybe this year I should do something that might really make an impact in my life. What if Steph and I took a look at our relationship to see where we could improve and resolve to do that? This would require some serious reflection on my marriage vows and whether or not I am living them out to the fullest.
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Marriage Mentors… Got One?
Mark’s parents have been married 53 years and are an amazing example of a successful marriage. We are so grateful for the way Mom & Dad have mentored us throughout our 24 years of marriage.
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Count Down to Christmas — TMI!
The weeks before Christmas can be hectic, creating tension in the best of marriages. We get wrapped up in the craziness of the season and the stress of work and family. The To Do List grows: last minute gifts to purchase and cards to mail, cleaning, baking and one more party to attend. Christmas can become a project that is never done! Thank goodness for deadlines; they can be a godsend.
