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Good Grief
Learning how to grieve as a couple has been a process. Ten years ago, we stumbled through intense grief together for the first time when Mel’s Dad died. Together we learned to navigate the memories, tears, and the occasional meltdown.
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Lovemaking in the Context of Healing
A wonderful aspect of our lovemaking is the emotional bonding that is such a gift to our relationship. This intimate bonding can enable healing after conflict and even in the midst of conflict. Lovemaking can be like a dance, one may pursue while the other hesitates. Often I find lovemaking opens me to intimacy while Mary Frances finds she needs to experience intimacy to be open to lovemaking. The “dance” is meeting enough in the middle that this mystery can continue to enrich our marriage.
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Is It Wrong To Feel This Way?
Have you ever felt a certain way and felt guilty about it? Before condemning ourselves, we have to acknowledge one thing: feelings are neither right nor wrong. Feelings have no morality, they just happen spontaneously, like a sneeze. If I feel angry or jealous or whatever, having the feeling is not the problem. It’s what I choose to do with the feeling (my actions) that can be right or wrong.
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Relationship Resolutions
Photo by Jared Sluyter Paul: I dread New Year’s Resolutions. I stopped making them a while back because I would fall off the wagon and then figured, what’s the point? It got me thinking that maybe this year I should do something that might really make an impact in my life. What if Steph and I took a look at our relationship to see where we could improve and resolve to do that? This would require some serious reflection on my marriage vows and whether or not I am living them out to the fullest.
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Marriage Mentors… Got One?
Mark’s parents have been married 53 years and are an amazing example of a successful marriage. We are so grateful for the way Mom & Dad have mentored us throughout our 24 years of marriage.
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Count Down to Christmas — TMI!
The weeks before Christmas can be hectic, creating tension in the best of marriages. We get wrapped up in the craziness of the season and the stress of work and family. The To Do List grows: last minute gifts to purchase and cards to mail, cleaning, baking and one more party to attend. Christmas can become a project that is never done! Thank goodness for deadlines; they can be a godsend.
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Party Pitfalls
P: Have you ever noticed at parties that couples tend to separate into groups where the men congregate in one place and the women in another? We recently went on a double date night with some friends and even though we all shared a table, us guys made conversation with each other while the gals engaged in their own conversation. Driving home we realized that even though we spent the evening together, we had engaged with each other very little. What kind of date night is that?
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There’s An App For That!
I (Janine) am a list person. I especially like the satisfaction that comes from checking things off my list. It used to drive me bonkers when Ken would add HIS items to My list. Or worse, if I had a grocery list started and he would add something like “Christmas lights” to the grocery list. What is THAT?!?! Does that mean we need to buy Christmas lights, or does it mean we need to put up the Christmas lights? Either way, it certainly doesn’t go on the grocery list. It goes on the To-Do list.
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Arguing is Not the Enemy!
Have you ever heard a couple say, “We never argue”? They have perfected the “Yes, Dear,” and the rest of us just roll our eyes.
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Assume Positive Intent
I (Mark) can be pessimistic at times and it seems natural for me to assume negative intent. I prefer to look at all angles and outcomes, with emphasis on worst case scenarios. An example was when Mel forgot to text me when her plane landed as she was going to visit her mom in Phoenix. I judged that she didn’t care as much about me as she did for her mom. When Mel finally did call and tried to share her excitement about being with her mom, I quickly squelched her excitement with my accusatory tone and cutting words.
