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Body Language
John It’s true – actions do speak louder than words. But body language can speak even louder. It’s easier to recognize how our spoken words and active behaviors affect our relationship. Body language is much more subtle than overt actions, but it does not lie. Body language, just like our verbal language, does need to be clarified, especially when it causes hurt. Things like posture, eye contact, and facial expressions can greatly affect the thermostat of our relationship. By being more conscious and intentional about how we express ourselves through our bodies, we can help that thermostat to stay on the warmer, more loving side rather than on the icy,…
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Removing the Invisibility Cloak
Chris: When we first moved to Arizona from Oklahoma, I went from an on-site job, to working from home. My being home meant that my “honey-do” list grew, because my wife thought my lack of travel to an office could afford me plenty of time to complete all kinds of projects. Michelle: After a couple of years of living in Arizona, less and less items were being checked off my list. Then, one evening, I came home to find none of my list accomplished. I was frustrated. I remember wondering how he could be home all day and not do any of the items on my list. That evening, we had a conversation that…
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$#*! My Spouse Says
Chris: Because Michelle and I frequently commute from Tucson to Phoenix, we try to find stand-up comedians or funny books to listen to, to help pass the time. Recently, on one of those commutes, we began listening to the book. Sh*t My Dad Says, by Justin Halpern. While, we both heard our own fathers in many of Justin’s examples, we almost simultaneously said, “Wow I bet we could write a post about the $#*! you say.” While we realized we actually had enough material for a book, we are going to limit it to two examples. Michelle: When we were first married, Chris and I liked to ride our bikes…
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Married Singles
Why do married couples gradually (and unknowingly) drift toward finding fulfillment outside our marriage, rather than within our marriage? In one of his popular YouTube videos, entitled, “Wanting to Fix People,” Fr. Mike Schmitz talks about how husbands or wives might see something in their spouse that they dislike. Gradually this annoying behavior or characteristic can lead a spouse to look for fulfillment from someTHING else. Instead of my spouse being my one legitimate source of fulfillment, I’m going to replace them with ___________. You might fill in that blank with any number of things, such as: romance novels, TV binging, spending time with the kids, hunting, sports, emotional intimacy with a…
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Marriage Wake-Up Calls
Chris: Many couples see the old couple, sitting on the park bench, still holding hands and wonder, how did they stay together after all this time. Michelle and I have thought, “Can we, the middle-aged couple, be an inspiration for someone? Does being married for only a couple of decades count?” While we are unsure of how inspiring we are, we have had a few wake-up calls in our relationship that we will share. The first wake-up call was our unmatched expectations. When we got married, we both brought marriage views based on our imaginations, our parents, movies, society, etc. My mom cooked, cleaned and rarely declined doing something for my dad. When we got…
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The Thief
You may not realize it, but you’re being robbed. Right now. The thief comes in many forms. It comes in the form of stress, anxiety, fear of failure, addiction, self-centeredness, or letting ourselves get too busy. No matter what form the thief comes in, it does the same thing every time. It robs us of the joy, peace and closeness with each other. Finances, in-laws, problems with sex, lack of communication, work, “busyness,” hobbies… Whatever our “thief” is… Why do we let this thief take over? And what could be more important than re-evaluating, re-prioritizing and NOT letting any thief rob us of joy? Ken: The thief strikes most…
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Contagious Love
Julie: Our son is getting married in six weeks and four days – but who’s counting? He is our first child to tie the knot, and we are beyond excited! Last weekend was our first bridal shower. It was a delight to watch our son and future daughter-in-law as they were showered with gifts and, more importantly, with love from our family and friends. It was a day of joy, fun, and laughter. It even brought a few tears as I thought about my mom and sister and how much they would have loved our daughter-in-law to be and enjoyed celebrating this moment in our son’s life. As I…
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Why Go It Alone
Michelle: When our daughter was three, she and I were walking out of Target. Before we walked out the door, I asked her to put her coat on. As I was putting my own coat on, I noticed that she was putting her coat on upside down. I bent down to try to help her when she yelled the inevitable three-year-old battle cry, “I can do it myself.” For approximately five minutes, I watched as she wriggled out of the coat, struggled because the sleeves were then inside out, finally getting the coat on correctly and proudly exclaiming, “See, I told you!” How many times have we all struggled, knowing…
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Smiling is a Superpower
Michelle: I think that at some point in every person’s life, they dream about what kind of superhero they might be and what powers they might have. When I was a child, I wasn’t sure what my costume would look like or my catchphrase might be, but when I envisioned myself striking that superhero pose, I was there to turn frowns upside-down! A few years ago, I went to a laughter therapy seminar. During this seminar, the presenter shared that there have been multiple studies regarding smiling and success. In one such study, scientists conducted research over a thirty-year period. They reviewed five hundred student’s yearbook photos and, measuring just the student’s smile, were able…
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Speaking In Code
Michelle: When our daughter was four, she got out of the car, walked in the house and promptly asked me what a HUHA was. I wasn’t sure what she meant so I asked her where she had heard it. She said that someone cut them off in traffic and that her daddy yelled out the word. I mumbled something about it meaning a bad driver although I had figured out that it was Head Up His/Her As$. Chris: As Taryn got older, we went from spelling out S-A-N-T-A, to non-verbal cues like head nods towards an item or saying something like, “I bet Santa could bring something like this.” As…
