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In Sickness and In Health
I (Mel) used to feel irritated and isolated when Mark was sick, as he’d clam up and shut down. In addition to the daily care of our kids, pets, and household, it seemed to me that I had an additional child to care for. I felt burdened by the extra work of caring for Mark, and I wore myself down caring for everyone else. Yet, when I was sick, I was expected to continue in my usual role and take care of myself. How fair was that?
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Marriage ScoreCard
Photo Credit: Steve Halama You may have heard marriage described as a 50/50 proposition with each partner contributing 50% to equal the presumed goal of 100%. While marriage is not a game, it is common to judge our effort like contestants in a competition.
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What Happened to Our Passion?
Do you find yourself wondering, “What happened to us?!?!” At some point, we all do. We long for those days when we were dating and first married. We were full of passion for each other and so in love. Our lovemaking was frequent and passionate. It seemed we couldn’t get enough of each other. How did we get to a place where we were rubbing together like sandpaper, each doing our own thing?
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Try Something New
How long has it been since you tried something new together as a couple? Recently we decided to try something completely new to us, and we were surprised how much we enjoyed it.
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Marriage is a VERB
Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.”
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Advice From a Divorce Lawyer
Yes, this is a strange twist. We recently heard about James J Sexton’s book,“If You’re in My Office, It’s Already Too Late.” James is a divorce attorney from New York, who started noticing some patterns after 20 years of working with couples whose marriages were ending.
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Talk to Me
Ken: When we were dating, it seemed we could talk all night, and sometimes we did. During our engagement, there was so much to talk and dream about together…our future, a home, kids, jobs, adventures. Janine: I remember the 10 hour road trip we took so I could meet Ken’s Mom for the first time. All the way there and back, we talked and talked. Fast forward about 5 or 6 years though, and I remember sitting in a restaurant, just the two of us, with nothing to say to each other. Silence. Ken: Do most of your conversations center around the kids or problems at work or the honey-do…
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Play’s The Thing!
Paul: Anyone who knows us, knows that we’re not going to go down in history for our sense of spontaneity and silliness. We’re serious people. But some years ago good friends of ours encouraged us to take a break from the consistent seriousness and make time for play. They said playfulness in our marriage can help us keep some perspective when the trials of daily life get us down.
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Is It Wrong To Feel This Way?
Have you ever felt a certain way and felt guilty about it? Before condemning ourselves, we have to acknowledge one thing: feelings are neither right nor wrong. Feelings have no morality, they just happen spontaneously, like a sneeze. If I feel angry or jealous or whatever, having the feeling is not the problem. It’s what I choose to do with the feeling (my actions) that can be right or wrong.
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Relationship Resolutions
Photo by Jared Sluyter Paul: I dread New Year’s Resolutions. I stopped making them a while back because I would fall off the wagon and then figured, what’s the point? It got me thinking that maybe this year I should do something that might really make an impact in my life. What if Steph and I took a look at our relationship to see where we could improve and resolve to do that? This would require some serious reflection on my marriage vows and whether or not I am living them out to the fullest.
