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In Sickness and In Health
I (Mel) used to feel irritated and isolated when Mark was sick, as he’d clam up and shut down. In addition to the daily care of our kids, pets, and household, it seemed to me that I had an additional child to care for. I felt burdened by the extra work of caring for Mark, and I wore myself down caring for everyone else. Yet, when I was sick, I was expected to continue in my usual role and take care of myself. How fair was that?
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Marriage ScoreCard
Photo Credit: Steve Halama You may have heard marriage described as a 50/50 proposition with each partner contributing 50% to equal the presumed goal of 100%. While marriage is not a game, it is common to judge our effort like contestants in a competition.
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What Happened to Our Passion?
Do you find yourself wondering, “What happened to us?!?!” At some point, we all do. We long for those days when we were dating and first married. We were full of passion for each other and so in love. Our lovemaking was frequent and passionate. It seemed we couldn’t get enough of each other. How did we get to a place where we were rubbing together like sandpaper, each doing our own thing?
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Sacred Space
Steph: Do you have enough time in your day to quiet your mind long enough to reflect on your life? Life is so busy with work, chores, children’s activities, that I find it hard to allow my mind to wander and dream. It seems I have to put a reminder on my phone for everything. If I don’t set aside even a small amount of time each day for peace, quiet, and reflection, how can I ever find the space to ask life’s big questions (or even the little ones)?
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Try Something New
How long has it been since you tried something new together as a couple? Recently we decided to try something completely new to us, and we were surprised how much we enjoyed it.
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Marriage is a VERB
Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.”
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Advice From a Divorce Lawyer
Yes, this is a strange twist. We recently heard about James J Sexton’s book,“If You’re in My Office, It’s Already Too Late.” James is a divorce attorney from New York, who started noticing some patterns after 20 years of working with couples whose marriages were ending.
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In-Laws or Outlaws?
Paul: For many married couples, in-laws can be a source of great stress and discontent. We are fortunate that our experience has been very different. When we were first married, I really appreciated how my parents treated Stephanie like their own daughter. They engaged her in meaningful conversation, sought out her opinion about things, and made it a point to include her in all family events.
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Teamwork
We received a request to share on the topic of teamwork. Good topic! Every marriage is based in teamwork – we chose our partner to team up with in life. Like most marriages, we have had times when we pull together in the same direction and times when we are fighting against each other. Over the years, we have found ways to maximize working TOGETHER as a team.
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The Secret Recipe of Intimacy
Photo Credit: Soroush Karimi In our last post we hinted at the complexity of intimacy, especially in the context of forgiveness and healing (1/13/19). Intimacy involves more than sex. In fact sex can sometimes be anything but intimate. Many authors and psychologists speak of at least 4 components to deep and sustained intimacy. They often include emotional, intellectual, spiritual and physical intimacy. We like to think of this as the ‘Secret Recipe.’ To achieve this Intimacy we both need to desire and be willing to work towards intimacy.
