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Marriage Takes Work – What Does That Mean Anyway?
We’ve heard cliché’s like “marriage takes work,” “communication is the key” and “love unconditionally.” What do they really mean? How do they play out in married life?
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Sacred Space
Steph: Do you have enough time in your day to quiet your mind long enough to reflect on your life? Life is so busy with work, chores, children’s activities, that I find it hard to allow my mind to wander and dream. It seems I have to put a reminder on my phone for everything. If I don’t set aside even a small amount of time each day for peace, quiet, and reflection, how can I ever find the space to ask life’s big questions (or even the little ones)?
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In-Laws or Outlaws?
Paul: For many married couples, in-laws can be a source of great stress and discontent. We are fortunate that our experience has been very different. When we were first married, I really appreciated how my parents treated Stephanie like their own daughter. They engaged her in meaningful conversation, sought out her opinion about things, and made it a point to include her in all family events.
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Play’s The Thing!
Paul: Anyone who knows us, knows that we’re not going to go down in history for our sense of spontaneity and silliness. We’re serious people. But some years ago good friends of ours encouraged us to take a break from the consistent seriousness and make time for play. They said playfulness in our marriage can help us keep some perspective when the trials of daily life get us down.
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Relationship Resolutions
Photo by Jared Sluyter Paul: I dread New Year’s Resolutions. I stopped making them a while back because I would fall off the wagon and then figured, what’s the point? It got me thinking that maybe this year I should do something that might really make an impact in my life. What if Steph and I took a look at our relationship to see where we could improve and resolve to do that? This would require some serious reflection on my marriage vows and whether or not I am living them out to the fullest.
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Party Pitfalls
P: Have you ever noticed at parties that couples tend to separate into groups where the men congregate in one place and the women in another? We recently went on a double date night with some friends and even though we all shared a table, us guys made conversation with each other while the gals engaged in their own conversation. Driving home we realized that even though we spent the evening together, we had engaged with each other very little. What kind of date night is that?
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Money Matters
When we were newly married, Paul asked me if I would mind if he took care of paying all our bills. I literally said, “Oh thank God!” I felt relieved I wasn’t responsible for making sure our rent, utilities, and car payments were paid. I also felt secure knowing that part of our monthly income would be put aside as savings for retirement and buying a house.
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Leave & Cleave
Leave & Cleave(adapted from “The Art of Marriage” video series) Most married couples have heard that we must “leave our fathers and mothers and cling to our spouse.” While it’s not easy, it is necessary.
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Moving – Marriage Tester or Marriage Bester
For the fifth time in our 32 year marriage, we recently packed up our belongings to move to another home. This time, it was to obtain a bit more space for our adult daughter (a single mother) and our 10 month old granddaughter to live with us. While we were perfectly content after having downsized 10 years ago into a smaller space, we found ourselves needing to upsize again. Of course, none of this was in our “plan,” but that’s the way life goes sometimes isn’t it?
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Forgiveness & Healing
Sustaining a joy-filled marriage is hard work. When two people get married and live together, the challenges of everyday life start adding up. Between our different personalities, the demands of work, raising children, extended family, married couples can occasionally get on each other’s nerves. It’s inevitable that eventually we’re going to bump into each other and cause some hurts between us. When this happens, we need forgiveness and healing to repair our relationship.
