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Advice From a Divorce Lawyer
Yes, this is a strange twist. We recently heard about James J Sexton’s book,“If You’re in My Office, It’s Already Too Late.” James is a divorce attorney from New York, who started noticing some patterns after 20 years of working with couples whose marriages were ending.
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Talk to Me
Ken: When we were dating, it seemed we could talk all night, and sometimes we did. During our engagement, there was so much to talk and dream about together…our future, a home, kids, jobs, adventures. Janine: I remember the 10 hour road trip we took so I could meet Ken’s Mom for the first time. All the way there and back, we talked and talked. Fast forward about 5 or 6 years though, and I remember sitting in a restaurant, just the two of us, with nothing to say to each other. Silence. Ken: Do most of your conversations center around the kids or problems at work or the honey-do…
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Is It Wrong To Feel This Way?
Have you ever felt a certain way and felt guilty about it? Before condemning ourselves, we have to acknowledge one thing: feelings are neither right nor wrong. Feelings have no morality, they just happen spontaneously, like a sneeze. If I feel angry or jealous or whatever, having the feeling is not the problem. It’s what I choose to do with the feeling (my actions) that can be right or wrong.
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There’s An App For That!
I (Janine) am a list person. I especially like the satisfaction that comes from checking things off my list. It used to drive me bonkers when Ken would add HIS items to My list. Or worse, if I had a grocery list started and he would add something like “Christmas lights” to the grocery list. What is THAT?!?! Does that mean we need to buy Christmas lights, or does it mean we need to put up the Christmas lights? Either way, it certainly doesn’t go on the grocery list. It goes on the To-Do list.
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We Come First
Marriage is hard, I don’t care who you are. That’s why we write this blog, and that’s probably why you’re reading it. The fail rate on marriages is way too high. How did things get so screwed up? How do we build a better “us”, rather than letting our marriage take the slow slide into a hole we can’t climb out of? We propose this: we have to put “us” (our marriage relationship) first.
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What Language are You Speaking?
We’ve all been there…We’re doing or saying something to show our spouse we love them, and they don’t even notice!
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Slamming Cupboard Doors
I used to slam cupboard doors. Ken would ask, “Is something wrong?” and many times I would honestly not know the answer to his question. I’m embarrassed to admit I was SO unaware of my own emotions. I didn’t know myself well enough to be able to understand what was going on inside of me.
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Great Sex!
Photo by ijeab / Freepik Sex between a married couple is not only good, it’s very good. If you read the research and surveys, you will find that married couples experience better and more frequent sex than non-married couples. Married couples are healthier, happier, and live longer. When we went on a WorldWide Marriage Encounter weekend, we were more than a little surprised when a priest told us that our love-making is good, is important for us, and is important to the world. He encouraged us to “make mad passionate love!”
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It’s Not About the Dress
The wedding venue, the dress, the flowers, the photographer…when did all this get to be so important?
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Making Up is Hard to Do
Every married couple has conflicts- sometimes over the littlest things. Most conflicts are a result of our unmet expectations– I expected this, but instead that happened. We begin to feel hurt or disappointed. We begin to think we’re disrespected or that we’re unloved.
