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Arguing is Not the Enemy!
Have you ever heard a couple say, “We never argue”? They have perfected the “Yes, Dear,” and the rest of us just roll our eyes.
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Assume Positive Intent
I (Mark) can be pessimistic at times and it seems natural for me to assume negative intent. I prefer to look at all angles and outcomes, with emphasis on worst case scenarios. An example was when Mel forgot to text me when her plane landed as she was going to visit her mom in Phoenix. I judged that she didn’t care as much about me as she did for her mom. When Mel finally did call and tried to share her excitement about being with her mom, I quickly squelched her excitement with my accusatory tone and cutting words.
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Money Matters
When we were newly married, Paul asked me if I would mind if he took care of paying all our bills. I literally said, “Oh thank God!” I felt relieved I wasn’t responsible for making sure our rent, utilities, and car payments were paid. I also felt secure knowing that part of our monthly income would be put aside as savings for retirement and buying a house.
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We Come First
Marriage is hard, I don’t care who you are. That’s why we write this blog, and that’s probably why you’re reading it. The fail rate on marriages is way too high. How did things get so screwed up? How do we build a better “us”, rather than letting our marriage take the slow slide into a hole we can’t climb out of? We propose this: we have to put “us” (our marriage relationship) first.
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Opposites Attract?
While out for dinner recently, we placed our order with the server and once again said, “Opposites attract!” Mark enjoyed meat and potatoes with a glass of sweet white wine, and Mel had fish with a dry red wine. We remarked on how opposite our orders were and reminisced about our differences and how they have impacted our marriage.
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Holiday Traditions
With the arrival of fall our thoughts turn to spiced cider, hearty soups and gathering of family and friends. As husband and wife we are often rooted in diverse family traditions. Deciding how to celebrate the holidays can be a source of stress and conflict.
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Leave & Cleave
Leave & Cleave(adapted from “The Art of Marriage” video series) Most married couples have heard that we must “leave our fathers and mothers and cling to our spouse.” While it’s not easy, it is necessary.
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What Language are You Speaking?
We’ve all been there…We’re doing or saying something to show our spouse we love them, and they don’t even notice!
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Date Nights
In July we wrote a post on Romance, simple and spontaneous. We described it as a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love and remoteness from every day life and promised a post on dating. One of our favorite quotes from Mignon McLaughlin, author and journalist is: “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” This is why “Date Nights” are so important. They take us back to why we fell in love all over again. Everyday “Romance” makes us crave those “Date Nights.” We have found both to be important in our 38 plus years of marriage.
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Moving – Marriage Tester or Marriage Bester
For the fifth time in our 32 year marriage, we recently packed up our belongings to move to another home. This time, it was to obtain a bit more space for our adult daughter (a single mother) and our 10 month old granddaughter to live with us. While we were perfectly content after having downsized 10 years ago into a smaller space, we found ourselves needing to upsize again. Of course, none of this was in our “plan,” but that’s the way life goes sometimes isn’t it?
