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Tis the Season to Ruin Holidays
As we were making plans with my mom, Taryn (our daughter) and her boyfriend, Kris for Thanksgiving, Taryn said, “Mom, remember when you guys ruined Thanksgiving?” Well, we are here to tell you that Thanksgiving was just one of many holidays that we unintentionally ruined for Taryn. While we could probably share every major holiday that was ruined in some way, we selected our top 3. 3. Thanksgiving: When Taryn was five, she was watching Sesame Street as Chris and I were in the kitchen preparing Thanksgiving dinner. She came into the kitchen as Chris was pulling the turkey out of the oven to baste. As he did this he said, “Wow, that’s…
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3 Ways to Date Your Spouse
Michelle: As a couple, if we do not continue to pursue one another, we could wake up one day to find that we have become roommates. The foundation of our relationship was built on friendship and romance. Here are three easy ways that we have come up with to continue to nourish that foundation. 1. Look for Opportunities to Connect: When we were dating, Chris was constantly calling me, asking me to go grab a drink with him or even simply ride a bike together or take a walk. After we got married and started raising our family, our connections went from intentional time to be together and check in,…
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The Rituals of Connection
Wikipedia defines rituals as a sequence of activities involving gestures, words, actions or objects of importance. It goes on to say that rituals forge bonds and help people turn towards one another because they are deeply rooted in a sense of predictability which lowers fear, provides comfort and can lower stress. The Counseling & Wellness Center of Pittsburgh defines a ritual of connection as specific times of interaction both informal and formal, that help couples come together, build intimacy, deepen their connection and create shared meaning in their relationship. They go on to say that these rituals are important in creating a healthy sense of anticipation, expectation and oneness in the relationship. Michelle…
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Control in This Thing Called Life
Chris: Stuff happens… and, when I think about all the stuff that could or probably will happen to me on any given day, I am reminded of the lyrics from an 80’s Prince classic, “Let’s Go Crazy”. “Dearly beloved. We are gathered here today to get through this thing called life.” While there are many opinions about Prince songs, this line seems to be spot on with our goal as humans-let’s make it through today. But here’s a question…when stuff happens, how do you react? Do you freeze, freak out or bury your head? Or do you do some other variation of unproductive coping mechanisms that hijacks your logical brain, making you unable to problem…
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What is Love Asking of Me Now?
Michelle: Several years ago, a friend of mine shared that during a crashing disappointment in her relationship, her therapist suggested that she ask herself, “What is love asking of me now?” My friend shared that despite her instinct to move away from heartache, love was asking her to stretch in a way that she never had before. With several challenges in our lives, Chris and I have found ourselves asking this very question, “What is love asking of me now?” When I received a phone call from a friend of mine, sharing that her daughter died by suicide, I found myself wanting to allow the cloud of gray to recolor…
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Just Go To Bed
Chris: As much as we both dislike conflict, we seem to have an uncanny ability to have disagreements at the most inopportune times. Take, for example, the angry conversation we began about money, moments before our friends came over. Or the heated discussion we had about being late to things, that I started because we were driving to church, LATE! And, of course, there have been countless times that we have argued well into the wee hours of the morning, when all we really wanted to do was go to bed. Michelle: At our wedding shower, people wrote cards to me with their sage marriage advice. Card after card offered, “Never go to bed…
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We Get By With a Little Help From Our Friends
Michelle: When Chris and I met, I had my friends and he had his friends. After we got married, some of my friends became our friends as did some of his. Now, in our more than twenty years together, we have made new friends, most of which we refer to as our friends. Some of our friends have been initiated by him and some have been initiated by me, however, recently, we were hanging out with one of OUR friends. These are friends we met at the same time and just instantly clicked. Chris: We were walking to dinner together, myself by the husband and Michelle standing behind us with…
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Our Anti-Resolution List
This post originally appeared on The Couples Post in Jan. 2022. We decided to re-post it this week as it offers some great ideas to ponder. Everyone at The Couples Post would like to wish our readers a Happy and Healthy 2024. Every New Year, articles pop up about making resolutions. This year, we have taken some common resolutions and would like to propose our own list. We are calling it Our Anti-Resolutions List 5. New vs. Old One of the most popular resolutions is to travel to NEW places. While we are a big supporter of seeking new adventures, in our anti-resolutions list, we offer, rediscovering the OLD places you have traveled to. Who cares that…
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5 Bite Sized Ways to Become Better
Chris: Human beings are the only species on the planet who believe that we can be better today than we were yesterday. Still, many of us struggle to actually be better. Here are five ways to begin. One: Let Go Of Pre-existing Ideas that Do Not Make Sense to You. My mother-in-law once said that she couldn’t eat pizza unless she had a knife and fork to cut it with. I asked, “Have you ever just picked up a slice and ate it?” She looked disgusted. But, when the pizza came to the table, there were no knives. As we waited for her knife, I said, “Are we really going to waste a perfectly good pizza?” She…
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Removing the Invisibility Cloak
Chris: When we first moved to Arizona from Oklahoma, I went from an on-site job, to working from home. My being home meant that my “honey-do” list grew, because my wife thought my lack of travel to an office could afford me plenty of time to complete all kinds of projects. Michelle: After a couple of years of living in Arizona, less and less items were being checked off my list. Then, one evening, I came home to find none of my list accomplished. I was frustrated. I remember wondering how he could be home all day and not do any of the items on my list. That evening, we had a conversation that…
