After the Thrill is Gone . . . How Do We Make Love Stay?

We recently heard the songs After the Thrill is Gone (Eagles) and Make Love Stay (Dan Fogelberg) and they have been an ear-worm, and source of reminiscing for us. Youth never imagines the thrill being gone, but it happens to all of us.

After the Thrill is Gone

TOM: The morning after our wedding I could have flown without the plane to Tahoe. I thought these feelings would last forever. Fast forward 7 years with our wedding and honeymoon in the rearview mirror. Work was work, babies needed to be fed and comforted. I was exhausted.

My dreams had come true, but not exactly as I had planned. The thrill was gone.

Recapturing the Thrill

TOM: We had been married 7 years when we made a Worldwide Marriage Encounter Experience and rekindled our love and deepened our friendship. When we left the Conference Center that Sunday evening, I felt the exhilaration of being madly in love. However, I was suddenly struck with the thought: “What if this is all an illusion?” I felt panic but chose not to indulge my fear. I vowed to make love stay; to take it one day at a time and trust the skills of intimate communication we had just learned.

Later that year I was in court as one of several defendants in a liability case. I was sitting next to my lawyer listening to a testimony and Mary Frances was in the courtroom with our infant daughter for emotional support. I was writing in a notebook when my lawyer looked over and asked, “What are you doing?” I told him “Writing a love letter to MF.” He said I was crazy — I was, crazy in love!

And so the story goes.

To Make Love Stay

MF: To make love stay, Tom and I became confidants and best friends. Accessibility and accountability were key. We set aside time each day to honestly share the highs and lows of our day. We learned to be vulnerable and pray together. With a growing family, establishing bedroom boundaries enabled us to work through the hurdles of lovemaking without fear of interruption. Our bedroom became our safe haven. We learned that communicating our needs in this area was a sign of strength and not neediness. We developed our own love language and code words that made love stay, carrying the thrill into the next day.

Keep Singing for the Sake of the Song

MF: But life is not one thrill after another. It throws curve balls and sometimes we swing and miss. As married couples we experience highs and lows.

Same dances in the same old shoes. Some habits you just can’t lose.

Keep singing for the sake of the song is key for us. One foot in front of the other. One Love letter after another. Do we miss — yes. Do we miss for weeks at a time — sadly yes. Do we regret — emphatically yes! And we begin again. Is it possible to rediscover the thrill — Absolutely! It begins one love letter at a time. One intimate moment at a time. That is how we Make Love Stay.

We encourage you to do what you need to do to re-kindle the Thrill and Make Love Stay as we celebrate Valentines Day and celebrate our love all the days thereafter!

Perhaps writing is not your thing. Here is a link to 10 Tips to Keep Your Love Alive and a ga-zillion posts to Make Love Stay. Here are some of our favorites:

Day to Day Loving:

• 3 Ways to Date Your Spouse
• 366 Days to Love Your Lover — Living the 5 Love Languages
• Little Things Mean a Lot
• Still Crazy After All These Years
• When In Doubt Just Get Naked

Intimate Communication:

• Affirmations that Will Make Your Heart Soar
• The #1 Communication Problem in Marriage
• We Don’t Talk About That
• Ask the Right Questions
• Dialogue

Sexual Intimacy:

• Why Sex Matters in Marriage
• 25 Conversation Starter Questions on Sexuality
• Sex — Naughty or Nice?
• 7 Tips to Improve Your Sex Life
• 8 Misunderstandings that Are Hurting Your Sex Life
• 3 Steps to Restore Sexual Intimacy