The Whole is Greater than the Sum of its Parts
Matt
We’ve all heard that classic, Aristotle quote: “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.”
While it may be deeply philosophical, it is also the absolute best way to describe the hilarious, chaotic reality of living with another human being.
Gail
When you get married, you stop being two independent, functioning adults. Instead, you merge into a singular, bizarre ecosystem where the final product is entirely different from the individual ingredients.
Here is what happens when two parts become a “whole” – and why the math makes absolutely no sense.
Before we combined forces, we were perfectly rational, capable single people. Let’s look at each of us as individuals:
Matt
I grew up and lived in the same house essentially until the day that I got married. I am the youngest of five children. The best way to define my home was perfunctory- everyone was polite, knew their place and calmly went through the motions to fulfill their assigned duties. I am most comfortable with the tried and true. One could say I’m a little {or a lot depending on the day} change averse. I seek stability and see the value of lasting personal connections.
Gail
Growing up, my family moved around a lot. This made me resilient and enabled me to cherish experiencing new places, which explains why after too many years in one place I get the “itch” to move. Unlike Matt, I am the oldest of four. The best way to describe my home life was well, NOT perfunctory, whatever that means. The words that I would use are loud, crazy, loving and never-a-dull-moment. I see every situation, both good and bad, as an opportunity for learning and personal growth. Perhaps, because my family moved a lot, I am reluctant to lay down roots, and I find it hard to establish lasting connections.
Matt
Over the years, we’ve come to learn that the couple we have become is nothing like who we are as individuals. In what seemed like minutes after we got married, we realized that there were so many questions to be answered. The main word in our vocabulary quickly became “compromise”.
Gail
Things as simple as who does what chores around the house? Are bills paid as they come in, or do we sit down once a month to pay them? Does Santa wrap gifts or simply leave them under the tree? Do our children go to private school, or do we put them in public school? Those first few years trying to navigate another human being using my bathroom were not easy for me!
Matt
It took approximately eleven years (did I mention I do not love change?) before we made our first of many moves (twenty-two and counting). Sure, I could have been happy if we stayed in the same town where I grew up. But I know I would not have grown like I have. Nor would we have experienced all that we have experienced without Gail’s courage and support, as well as our love and shared confidence to even consider, let alone make, those moves.
Gail
Over the years as we melded our relationship, I have found myself changing and growing. Now, the only roots that I mind having are the gray ones in my hair. Living in Tampa for the last eight years, I have discovered that I really do not have the urge to find our next place to live, nor do I mind Matt’s toothbrush in my bathroom. In fact, I miss it when it is not there. This is all simply because of my relationship with Matt.
Matt
This, we think, is the secret that we’ve learned in nearly 43 years of marriage. Our love enables the other to become “greater” in ways that they would not have become on their own.
This is how our “whole” becomes greater than the sum of its parts.
