Emotional Baggage

Chris:

Recently, while returning home from a trip, the wheel of our suitcase broke. It was the last leg of the trip and both of us looked at our suitcase like it had failed us in some way. We were tired from traveling all day and the last thing we wanted to do was have to switch back and forth, carrying a broken suitcase through the airport. So, in that moment, the easiest thing to do was to blame the suitcase for being faulty. We both had convinced ourselves that it was a bad suitcase and how could the company put out something so awful. Never mind that we had noticed the wobble the last time we traveled and had even mentioned to one another the need to buy a new suitcase.

It took a little while after we got home, but eventually, we realized our suitcase didn’t break because of some conspiracy against us, but rather it had just worn down over time.

Michelle:

A couple of weeks later, I began researching new suitcases. The suitcase we had, kept coming up as a top pick. Little did I know, that with some recommended maintenance, we could have been using that same suitcase for years to come. However, like many things, we pushed it beyond the point of no return. I began to marvel at how relationships are a lot like that now replaced suitcase. I thought, maybe we should be asking ourselves, “What in our relationship needs maintenance, not because it has fallen apart but because it is important?” 

That night when I shared with Chris the new suitcase that I ordered and my deep thoughts about how life can be like a worn-down wheel on a suitcase, Chris surprised me by playing along when he asked, “So, what are our worn-down wheels?”

Chris:

As I thought about what Michelle had shared, I said, “You know, the broken wheel was just part of the problem. It was also that we had a super stuffed suitcase. So, when we had to navigate it through the airport without wheels, it was nearly impossible. I think another question should be, what might our suitcase be carrying that we need to address or get rid of?”

Michelle:

That evening, we talked about several worn down wheels and stuffed suitcase examples. One of my worn-down wheels is making the bed. I want the bed made every morning. Why then, when we both sleep in the bed and in over the twenty years of marriage, am I the one who typically makes the bed?

Chris:

One stuffed suitcase example is Michelle’s mother. While I am not suggesting we get rid of her, I am saying that Michelle tends to minimize the demands her mother’s needs place on her. She will typically disregard when I bring up my concerns. Then, when we are all together, much like an overstuffed suitcase, I can’t hold my frustrations in nor keep my mouth shut.

Michelle:

Fast-forward, our new suitcase arrived and we traveled with it for the first time. As we were waiting in line at the ticket counter to check Chris’ golf bag, a couple behind us asked how we liked our suitcase. Chris responded, “Well, it looks exactly like our old one. The difference is, we know how to take care of it now.”