Body Language
John
It’s true – actions do speak louder than words. But body language can speak even louder.
It’s easier to recognize how our spoken words and active behaviors affect our relationship. Body language is much more subtle than overt actions, but it does not lie. Body language, just like our verbal language, does need to be clarified, especially when it causes hurt. Things like posture, eye contact, and facial expressions can greatly affect the thermostat of our relationship. By being more conscious and intentional about how we express ourselves through our bodies, we can help that thermostat to stay on the warmer, more loving side rather than on the icy, chilly side.
Julie
The power of body language recently cropped up in a big way when I went to John to tell him that our meeting that evening had been cancelled. He was working from home and had been in front of his computer all day in various work meetings. He had his earphones in, but wasn’t watching the screen, so I didn’t think he was in a meeting. I walked in the room, gave him a little wave, and said “Hi Sweetie…”
John
When Julie approached me, I was in the midst of a very harried time. Multiple people were demanding my attention through texting and instant messaging. I had a difficult presentation I was working on for my boss’s boss. AND I was double-booked for meetings. I was not actually in a meeting at that moment, so when I heard Julie’s voice, I looked up. I tried to respond with the right words and actions – I said, “Yes honey?” and pulled out my earbuds, looking up at her. Verbal response? Check! Behavior? Check! Body Language? UNCHECK!!. I rolled my eyes and scowled while stiffening my back and crossing my arms, , obviously irritated.
Julie
John’s body language came through loud and clear, even though his words and actions themselves seemed OK. The language of his body was like a red siren going off, and I immediately just mumbled a few words and walked away. The next few hours were strained between us, and we did not share more than a few words until later that evening. When our usual dinner conversation was non-existent, John asked what was wrong. After recognizing what happened, he apologized and asked for my forgiveness. We were able to repair the temporary damage, but it was a strong reminder of the importance of body language.
On the other end of the spectrum, I recently returned from a “girls” trip away. I had a great deal of fun sharing pictures, telling stories, and showing John some of the gifts I had purchased. He was busy at that moment as well, but he stopped what he was doing to give me his full attention. He relaxed and smiled often, nodding and looking me in the eye multiple times. In that instance, his words, behaviors, AND welcoming body language conveyed his genuine interest. That meant the world to me. We ended up sharing a joy-filled moment of bonding and strengthened intimacy.
John
It is truly amazing how powerful body language can be. Julie and I have seen some light here and we hope that by being more aware and intentional in the way that we use our bodies to communicate, we will continue to bear great fruit for our relationship. Never underestimate the importance of body language!
