Making Home a Safe Place

When our kids were very young, we had the good fortune of getting to know a couple with teens and adult children. Steve and Barb were a delight to be around, and one of the things that struck us the most about them was the way their love seemed to inspire a welcoming atmosphere in their home. We’d be sitting with them chatting, and see teenagers wandering through, laughing, and raiding the pantry for snacks. Barb would point out – oh, that one is ours, and those other two are friends. Talking about it later, we decided we wanted our home to be like Steve and Barb’s, a safe place for our kids and their friends.

A Safe Place Starts with Our Relationship

Nick – Even children who aren’t old enough to speak can tell when Mom and Dad aren’t connected. It’s like a fog over everything in the home. This is why staying in relationship is our first priority in making home a safe place.

Of the many tools to choose from, the most reliable for me with Jen is sincerely asking for and granting forgiveness. I practice this often in small ways. Just a few days ago I let my job’s irritations of the day spill over into inattentive interactions with Jen. These moments are like little weed sprouts that can grow into bigger problems if I don’t catch myself and change the way I’m acting. I told Jen that I knew I’d been doing a crappy job listening. I asked if she would forgive me, and in her making the decision to do so, it was a little reset on the evening for us.

Our unwillingness to let little disconnects slide is one foundation of making home a safe place.

A Safe Place is Our Hospitality

Jen – When we were first married, we loved hosting friends at our house. We still love to host gatherings and have always encouraged our kids to host their friends at our house as well. Hospitality is the second thing we focus on in making our home a safe place. Hospitality means that we welcome those who come to our home regardless of who they are, what they look like or where they are from. We make sure they are offered refreshments, but more than that, we treat them as though they are our kids as well.

Our youngest son just graduated from high school, and over the course of his school journey, two of his friends were at our house on a regular basis. Both friends were comfortable enough to come in and relax, raid the pantry, and chat with us. One of them ate family dinner with us often enough that he asked us to put a recipe book together for him as he was getting ready to leave for college.

The comfort level of these boys is there because they were welcomed in and offered hospitality by the two of us together.

Open House

Making home a safe place has always meant that you can be who you are when you are here. We aren’t formal or fancy. We don’t check your party registration at the door. There are more important things in life. Over time, our home has been a refuge for many of our kids’ friends and even our son’s fiancée most recently. It’s a place to be safe when the home you live in isn’t a safe place, and it starts with the two of us working at our relationship and building on that foundation.

Thanks to Steve and Barb for their inspiration. We’re sure their home remains a wonderful, safe place for their kids and grandkids even now. We’d still like to be just like them when we grow up.