Decisions, Decisions
Making decisions is a part of everyday life—but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Especially when those decisions impact your spouse or your family. When a married couple is faced with a tough decision, simplifying the process can bring clarity and peace.
Last week we were faced with a decision about taking on another commitment that created internal struggle and tension between us. We weren’t on the same page and were struggling to agree. It was tempting to just make a quick decision based on our current feelings and be done with it. Or… for one of us to decide and the other grudgingly agree.
ZOOM OUT
Thankfully, we were able to zoom out, pause and look at our attitudes and the assumptions we were making.
There were a few main things we needed to do to work through this challenge:
1)Remember that “WE” are more important than any issue or decision
2)Make the decision together
3)Make the decision at the right time
IT’S ALL ABOUT US
“WE” are more important than any issue or decision. For more on keeping your relationship as the top priority check out this post: We Come First
BETTER TOGETHER
The second step (making decisions together) is very important. Leaving your spouse out of decisions that involve your time, finances, family or intimacy leads to resentment, hurt and disrespect. Although it may seem easier to just do things yourself, it’s usually not the best route for your unity as a couple. That doesn’t mean every decision has to turn into a long discussion. But it does mean working together on choices that affect each other. Even small decisions can be opportunities to build trust and teamwork.
A GOOD TIME
There’s an old concept of decision making that contains a lot of wisdom: Don’t make decisions when you’re not in a good mental or emotional state. In other words, “Make the decision at the right time”. When we’re physically or emotionally depleted, even small decisions can feel overwhelming—and big ones can become dangerous. When you’re hungry, tired, or stressed, your ability to make a wise decision takes a hit. Instead of giving in to the pressure to make a snap decision on an important issue, wait. Heal any wounds in your relationship, get some sleep, food, and quiet time to get back into a healthy space, where you can make a better decision.
Back to our story from last week…
Neither of us had peace about which way to go. We talked about our core value: that “we come first”. We slept, talked, prayed, and took a walk to talk and to get some perspective. We talked about our feelings, what was holding us back and then made the decision… together. A situation that started out with tension and disagreement, gradually got sorted out, and in the end we both felt peace with the decision.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
Take a moment this week to ask: What topic or decision is on our plate right now? How can we face it together? When we choose unity first, every decision can become a chance to grow in intimacy.
