Why Go It Alone

 

Michelle:

When our daughter was three, she and I were walking out of Target.  Before we walked out the door, I asked her to put her coat on. As I was putting my own coat on, I noticed that she was putting her coat on upside down. I bent down to try to help her when she yelled the inevitable three-year-old battle cry, “I can do it myself.” For approximately five minutes, I watched as she wriggled out of the coat, struggled because the sleeves were then inside out, finally getting the coat on correctly and proudly exclaiming, “See, I told you!” 

How many times have we all struggled, knowing that someone was there to help make it a bit easier? I am strong willed; maybe it’s the way I was raised, or maybe a combination of a lot of things, but I have also struggled to accept help. 

14 years ago, my orthopedic surgeon told me he thought I was the strongest person he’d ever met. I had a knee replacement on a Tuesday and went back to work the following Monday.  I was in the midst of a knee replacement/broken ankle combo, I had a student teacher who was getting ready to graduate, our daughter had a big cheer competition and I refused to ask anyone for help. At the time, I said to the doctor, “Just doing what I’ve gotta do.”  To which he responded, “Do you though?”

I look back now and wonder, what was I afraid of? Why wouldn’t I ask for help?  So often, we wait until things are dire, before we wave the white flag.  During quarantine and beyond, Chris and I came to the realization that everyone needs a little help sometimes and asking for help does not mean we are helpless. 

Chris:

I value doing things for myself, being independent and going it alone.  As an 80’s kid, I will still crank up Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again” when it comes on the radio.  But, as much as I have ventured down “the lonely street of dreams” married life is not the kind of journey we can venture by ourselves.  I need Michelle to help me when I get knocked down.  She provides support and encourages me to get back out there.  

Recently, when a client changed their design half-way through the project, I was angry. I came home, ranting and raving about how I would have to start over and how much time I had already wasted. When Michelle offered to help, I told her I would figure it out and not to worry about it. Later that evening, I asked Michelle what ideas she had. What I realized was that her vision for the project was really great and what’s more, it wasn’t starting from scratch, just modifications to the current design.

Why are we terrible at accepting help?  We disregard those that offer their assistance, by saying that we don’t want to be a bother.  However, seeking assistance often has the opposite effect. It is a compliment to be asked for advice and input; people want to support each other. In an effort to become a better person, a valuable lesson to learn is that it is nearly impossible to succeed without help. 

Everybody gains in the long run whether asking for or receiving help. Waving the white flag is not a reflection of character, competency or intelligence, it’s actually the wisest thing you could do and shows how much strength you truly have to recognize that you can’t do it all yourself.