Beyond biology: Where Do Babies Come From?

 

The focus of our last post, “Sex — Naughty or Nice” was our learned attitudes about sex. We hope you ventured into exploring your own attitudes about sexuality. If not, there is not time like the present to dive in. As promised, we will focus this post on Beyond Biology: Where Do Babies Come From?

 

 

First some Disclosures:

 

 

1. There are as many ways to teach kids about sex as there are parents having sex.
2. Every child is unique. No one knows your child better than you.
3. You are their teacher. This is your legacy. Share your attitudes and values.

 

 

Step 1: Children learn from what they observe.

 

 

 

 

Perhaps you know a 4-year-old who walks with a swagger just like his dad. Maybe you have heard your daughter imitate your mom voice and exact words in playing with her dolls. Likewise, children pick up on your attitudes about your sexuality from the way you act. For example, swatting away affection because it it not convenient sends a mixed message, so does constant worry about the way your child dresses. If you believe that sex is a good thing and the fullest expression of your love for each other, root out those attitudes that contradict this belief.

 

 

Step 2: Live your sexuality openly.

 

 

Affection and sexual expression is a very good thing. Children may giggle. They may “Eew!” But sooner or later, they will get right in the middle of your affection. Older kids may say “Get a room!” (See Step 3 — You taught them well.) Children thrive when they know Mommy and Daddy love each other.

 

 

Step 3: What you do in your bedroom is private.

 

 

Whatever phrase you choose — snuggling, making the bed, or playing around, your bedroom is private. You don’t have to hang a “Do not disturb” sign on the door but teach your children to respect your privacy. Unless you establish this boundary, you risk limiting your lovemaking to those rare moments when the house is dark, quiet and chances are 99% certain you will not be disturbed. This is teaching healthy boundaries and we could write an entire post on that topic.

 

 

Step 4: Talk openly about sexuality.

 

 

Be casual, for example, while doing dishes or playing a game. We found riding in the car an excellent opportunity. When kids think your eyes are on the road, they are more likely to say what’s on their mind. With young children, it is important to figure out what they are asking. For example, “What is sex?” could be satisfied simply by “boys vs. girls,” “penises and vaginas” or something more complex . . . Be honest, but don’t venture beyond what they want to know.

 

 

Step 5: Be their Confidant.

 

 

Listen and ask questions about what their peers say. Respect their peers. Don’t stifle their curiosity. Keep your conversations positive and the door open. Get beyond a list of Do’s and Don’ts. Provide accurate information and teach values. Be vulnerable. Share from your experience and breathe!

 

 

Don’t sweat the science. Focus on the important stuff.