Dear Younger Us

You don’t have to be married long before you look back at your dating days and reminisce. We got married at the ripe young age of 23 and had our first baby shortly thereafter. Our lives changed dramatically in a short time. Looking back, we don’t regret jumping into family life with both feet, but it’s fun to imagine now what we might have to say to us back then.

Jen: Dear younger Jen, let the details go. What you notice is not necessarily what everyone else sees, especially Nick. You may walk into the house and feel overwhelmed by babies and toys and dishes piled up and too many events on the calendar. But when Nick walks in, he sees a home full of energy and love. If you just explore his way of thinking a little, you might learn how to let go a little more easily.

Remember when the details got lost in the moments because the moments were about falling in love? The bad news is that once you’ve fallen in love and decided to make a life together, you start moving at a different pace. The falling in love part gets taken for granted, and you start living around it instead of in it. You can re-inspire that love by doing little things. You can remind each other of where you started by taking the time to focus on the little moments of joy amidst the details.

Nick: Dear younger Nick, you need to chill the (blank) out, dude. You’re going to frazzle yourself trying to make sure everything is perfect in every interaction you have with Jen. You don’t realize Jen needs you to listen more than she needs you to fix whatever situation she’s telling you about. Trust me. Just stop overthinking it and listen to her in the moment. If you practice, I promise you can get good at that and even enjoy it.

Remember the way you went to sleep thinking about Jen and woke up still thinking about her? The bad news is that you’re going to drift away from that. The good news is that you can reconnect with her again with a little effort. Just doing some little things and consciously reaching out in little ways is all it takes. Rub her feet and pick up after yourself. And do your best to not take her for granted. Even when you fall short, she’ll appreciate the effort you’re making. I believe in you and she does too.

Both: If you talk to yourself out loud, people may think you’re crazy. But we think writing a little note like you’re talking to your younger self is a good way to re-evaluate. Even when you can’t see your way back to the way things were, reminiscing can be a way to rekindle some good feelings in the here and now. We encourage you to give it a try. Just start out by writing “Dear Younger Me…”