Love's Sweet Spot

Photo Credit: Jose Mizrahi on Unsplash

Many of you are familiar with theYin-Yang symbol or the phrase “opposites attract.” You know, the eternal optimist vs. the pessimist, the spontaneous adventurer vs. the live by the calendar person. Let’s call them complementary, not opposite. Think: You are the peanut butter to my jelly or the music to my dancing shoes.

Tom: Mf is great at details and planning (Yin). She admires my ability to execute those plans in real time (Yang). This works well when hosting a party, not so well when the calendar is booked and I want to chill.

MF: Tom focuses on people, listening well and reading them like a book (Yin). When I am in a get ‘er done mode (Yang) he cautions me to slow down and consider the people involved. Sometimes we end up stalled and nothing gets done.

Tom & MF: The key is balance. That is where the 3 principles in Yin-Yang fit in:

They are not absolute. There is a little optimism in every pessimist. Even a live by the clock girl benefits from a little spontaneous fun.
They are not static. We grow and evolve. Before I met MF, camping was a cabin with indoor plumbing. Her confidence eventually gave me the courage to set out for a week with everything I needed strapped to my back.
They form a perfect circle. Balance makes the Yin-Yang a perfect circle. Letting go of my desire to control, be it our calendar, making a purchase or parenting decisions, opens the door for Tom to take a more active role. Together we strike that dynamic balance.

Tom: The dot in a typical Yin-Yang or the heart in this Yin-Yang symbol is intentional and key. It is the ‘seed’ of the complementary quality present in each of us. When we nurture that quality we evolve and become more balanced as individuals. I do this by focusing on the calendar, being on time, and thinking ahead in planning for a trip. I prioritize completing little details, like buffing the car and locking doors so I don’t delay us as we are getting ready to leave. When I nurture these qualities, I balance responsibility with my fun loving side. MF is more likely to relax and enjoy my company as we set out on an adventure together.

MF: When I bring a balanced self to our marriage I have the confidence to know when to gently nudge Tom to finish a project. I can allow him to support me when I am stressed and confront me when I am wrong. I can gently balance his optimism with facts, not criticism. When I am balanced, I am more open to listen to his wisdom and ideas when our thoughts on a topic like our budget seem divergent. Being balanced means relaxing and having fun, even when it isn’t scheduled.

Balance is that sweet spot, within each of us as individuals and within our relationship as a couple. Balance can be elusive, ever changing, but always worth the effort!